Where Were You
by dayana82
Summary: She'd made her decision for a very good reason; at least that was what she'd told herself. But suddenly she realized that maybe she'd been wrong. starts as Rodney/Keller but will eventually be Ronon/Keller as it should be
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Where Were You – Chapter 1

**Pairing:** Rodney/Keller, Ronon/Keller, kind of both but… well, there can be only one.

**Rating:** T

**Disclaimer:** Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to CBS. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.

**Summary:** She'd made her decision for a very good reason – at least that was what she'd told herself. But suddenly she realized that maybe she had been wrong.

**Warnings:** Some angst and hurt/comfort

**AN:** _Okay, I said I wouldn't write for this pairing (or show in general) anytime soon but after 'The Lost Tribe' I just had to do something. I honestly don't know where this story came from. I was wondering why on Earth someone would chose Rodney over Ronon (no offense, but Rodney is just too socially awkward). And I kept thinking about how Rodney reacted in certain situations where he tried to express sympathy and totally failed. In the end I came up with this story. Once again, it will have more than one part (not sure how many yet). Once again I'm not sure this really is something Ronon would do or that I got any of the voices right. So you're warned and if you read the story anyways, it's your own fault. ;)_

_Oh, and yes, the title is totally stolen from Bonnie Tyler's wonderful song. At least the chorus fits the thought behind this story perfectly._

_P.S. The whole story is now beta-read by Jen, for what I'll be forever grateful._

No one had really noticed the difference; no one but her. He didn't show up in the infirmary as often anymore, although from what she'd heard through the grapevine, he was sparring much more. And the few times he needed to be patched up he went to one of the other doctors.

Could it be possible? Had he really _intentionally_ let someone hurt him just so that she could treat him, just to spend a little time with her?

When he glanced up from where he was sitting on one of the beds, a wound on his right forearm being examined by Dr. Hudson, she nodded briefly and gave him a small smile.

The nod of his head was almost unnoticeable before he returned his attention back to the man in front of him.

"Hey, Jennifer!" Jennifer winced a little at the sudden call of her name to her right. She hadn't even noticed Rodney entering the infirmary.

She took a deep breath and smiled at him. "Hey!"

"Are you ready?" Rodney smiled excitedly, rubbing his hands.

Jennifer frowned a little, her brain trying to process the question and find out what it could refer to. When she couldn't come up with a proper answer she carefully asked, "For what?"

The smile quickly disappeared from Rodney's face and his hands dropped to his sides. "Lunch?" he replied. "I… I asked you out," he added, gesticulating a little wildly due to the awkwardness of the situation. "Yesterday?" he added, hoping to jog her memory.

"I… I'm sorry, I…" Jennifer desperately tried to recall the previous day. She'd seen Rodney once in the infirmary when he'd once again thought he had caught some potentially deadly disease. But they hadn't talked much, had they?

"Yeah, I… um… we talked about just seeing each other in the infirmary or on missions lately and… well… then I said something like we should consider meeting outside of the infirmary again and… and you said that would be great and… well, I think I said something about lunch today. I mean, we haven't eaten together in ages and… so I thought… you know. But…but if you don't have time…"

"Rodney!" Jennifer exclaimed, holding a hand up to interrupt his flood of words. Sure, it was great that his brain worked faster than anyone else's in the city; especially when they were about to die and needed him to save the day. But not when he was trying to form a meaningful sentence. "Lunch would be fine," she assured him with a smile, exhaling the breath she hadn't known she'd been holding, once again overwhelmed by just how fast he could speak.

His face lit up again and he clapped his hands. "Great," he sighed with relief. "Um… great. So… let's go!"

Jennifer slightly shook her head in amusement as she followed him out of the infirmary. Sometimes he was a lot like a child, especially when he was asking for something and got a positive answer. But more so if the answer was negative.

From the corner of her eye she caught a quick glance of Ronon who had apparently been watching the scene between her and Rodney. But when she turned her head in his direction, he quickly looked away. She didn't understand, it wasn't like this was their first date. They'd been seeing each other for quite a while now and hadn't exactly kept it a secret. But she didn't have time to wonder what it might mean, since Rodney seemed to have had another brilliant idea overnight and had determined that she be the first to hear about it. Jennifer wasn't even halfway done with her lunch, when her date with Rodney was interrupted by Mr. Woolsey, who, in person, asked her to come to his office immediately. If the look on his face was anything to go by, it wasn't good. And the feeling only grew stronger when Rodney offered to accompany her and Woolsey told him he needed to talk to her alone.

"What is it?" she asked impatiently, her brain already going through every possibility she could come up with. A disease that quickly spread among the people in the Pegasus galaxy, maybe it had even reached Atlantis already; or maybe a team member that was severely injured on a mission off-world. In her mind she was already packing the backpack.

"You might want to take a seat," he offered, the look on his face a mixture of worry and sympathy. Was she going to be fired or sent back to Earth?

"No, I'm fine," she smiled, feeling more than a little awkward with the situation. Why did he have to beat about the bush?

"Jennifer…" he began.

Okay, that meant that it was even worse than she'd first thought. He never called her Jennifer, ever. It was always Dr. Keller. Had someone died on a mission? Colonel Sheppard? Or Teyla? It couldn't be Ronon or Rodney since she'd seen both of them just minutes ago.

Or maybe he'd gotten her monthly health check and she was terminally ill or something. No, that certainly couldn't be the case because she would have known by now.

"…I just got a call from the SGC," he finished.

So she WAS going to be sent back to Earth. Why? She'd done nothing wrong. In fact, she'd been the one to find a cure for at least four diseases in this galaxy. True, she wasn't exactly a soldier and when she'd started to work here she'd been pretty much a wimp. But she'd taken sparring lessons; which were over now since her talk with Ronon. And she'd proven that she could handle dangerous situations. It wasn't fair to call her back now.

"It's about your father," Woolsey added in a soft tone.

The words sliced through her body like a knife; two actually, one through her heart and another in her stomach. She opened her mouth to ask what was wrong, and how bad it was, but the words stuck in her throat and refused to escape her lips.

"He's… there was an accident," he explained, struggling to find the right words for something that had none. "Another driver lost control of his car and hit your father's. There were three other vehicles involved in the accident and… I'm sorry Jennifer, your father died."

She stared at him for a second. His words echoed in her brain and she knew what they meant, she knew too well. But they just didn't sink in. It felt… unreal, as if it was a dream and she would wake up any second.

She didn't.

"Thank you," was all she said after a long silence before turning to leave. Not sure where she was going, it suddenly occurred to her that there would be a funeral and that she was certainly going to get time off to be there.

Slowly, she turned back around. "When do I leave?"

"Tomorrow morning at 0800," Woolsey replied with a sad smile. "And Jennifer…I'm… my sincerest condolences for your loss."

Nodding, she turned and left. She needed to pack some clothes. Did she have something that was appropriate to wear for a funeral? Black dresses weren't exactly what she needed in this galaxy. Maybe she could still buy something when she was back on Earth.

As usual on Atlantis the news spread like a wildfire. She hadn't even started to take out her bag and search through her scantily vested wardrobe when her door chimed.

She smiled when opened it and saw Rodney standing in the doorway seemingly indecisive about what to do. When she stepped aside he cautiously entered.

"I… um… heard about your father," he explained. "And I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. I really am. So… you're leaving tomorrow?"

"Yeah," she nodded, and turned her attention back to the wardrobe. She really needed to get her bag packed.

"I… um… so… you want me to come with you?" he seemed to force out.

For a brief moment, she was stunned. But the feeling was short lived when she realized that he wasn't comfortable about the expected answer. "You don't have to," she answered carefully, leaving the choice to him.

"Oh, well…good," he answered with a sigh of relief. "'Cause… see, I don't do funerals. There's always a lot of talking and the mood is so depressing."

She just nodded as she put another shirt in the bag. She wasn't even sure how long she was going to be gone.

"B… but I would of course, come with you… I mean, if you want me to," he assured her.

"No, I'm fine," was all she replied without even looking at him. She needed to get her damn bag ready and still wasn't sure what to wear or how long she'd be gone.

"Okay, well, so… um… oh, by the way, when you're in the SGC you should try and stay away from Dr. Lee," Rodney advised. "I know he's smart and all but he can be a real pain in the ass, constantly telling everyone just how great he is. Even though I think that he's still addicted to Sam in some way. But still it might be better if you…"

"Rodney," she interrupted him again, "I really appreciate that you came here to console me, but I'm fine and I really need to get this stupid bag packed."

"Oh, sure," he smiled in relief. "I'll see you when you're back."

"Sure," she mumbled once again, still stuck with the dilemma of what to take with her.

Rodney stood in front of the door for a second. Maybe he should have… talked less. But she'd said that she was fine, right? Maybe she just needed some time on her own.

He hadn't even made it ten steps in the direction of his own quarters before he almost ran into the tall Satedan walking down the corridor. "Jesus!" he cried out. "Oh, hey, Ronon."

"Hey," the other man grunted.

Rodney looked at him then back at the door to the quarters he'd just left and back at Ronon. "You know, if you're coming to see Jennifer, she's not in the mood to talk," he told him. "She needs to pack her clothes to leave tomorrow. Besides she said that she was fine."

"Okay," Ronon shrugged.

"Okay," Rodney repeated with a frown. "Just… well… maybe you should keep it short."

The Satedan didn't answer, instead walking past Rodney leaving him standing in the middle of the corridor watching as he rang the bell and stepped through the door.

Ronan didn't say anything as he leaned against a counter and watched Jennifer jam clothes into her bag. Earth manners certainly expected him to say that he was sorry for her loss, but Ronon knew that those words didn't mean anything. They couldn't bring her father back or ease her grief.

But he should at least say something, right? Not wanting to look like an idiot for saying something inappropriate, he settled for, "I'm sorry." When he saw the expression on her face, he couldn't help but wonder if maybe the words did mean something to her. Maybe it meant something to hear that people cared, that he cared.

"Thank you," she replied without looking at him, "but I'm fine."

"Okay," he nodded, and looked at a picture on the counter that showed Jennifer with an older man, probably her father.

"I'm fine," she repeated as she tried to stuff yet another shirt into the bag. "I'm fine."

Ronon didn't say anything. He just leaned against the counter and watched her struggle with the zipper of the overstuffed bag.

"I'm fine," she said once more before finally giving up on the bag, swearing silently and then covering her face with one hand as she suddenly started to sob.

Only then did he step closer and carefully wrap his arms around her.

Jennifer threw both arms around his muscular torso and buried her face in his shirt while she desperately tried to regain her self-control, but it was useless. Once she'd started to sob she couldn't stop. So she let the tears come and held onto Ronon as if her life depended on it.

She knew that she shouldn't let him comfort her. Not when she was technically seeing Rodney. But Rodney wasn't there…Ronon was.

When he feared that she wasn't able to stand upright any longer, Ronon gently led her to the bed and made her sit down on it without loosening his embrace. He wasn't sure how long they sat there, her sobs being the only sounds that filled the room. But at some point it seemed that there were just no more tears left, at least not for the time being, and Jennifer's sobbing slowly subsided.

She had been sure that the flood of tears would never end, but after what seemed like an eternity she was just too tired to cry anymore. She felt sore and exhausted.

Once she was sure that another breakdown wasn't imminent, she carefully pulled away from his comforting embrace and let her eyes fall upon his shirt that was soaked with her tears. "Thank you," she whispered.

Instead of assuring her that it was okay and that she was welcome, he handed her the Kleenex box from her bedside table.

"He… he was the only family I had left." Jennifer wasn't sure why she said that or why she told him. She just felt like… she needed to get it off her chest.

Ronon listened as he took the drenched Kleenex from her and handed her a new one.

Under any other circumstances she would have felt awkward about him putting away her used tissues. But at that moment his gesture just seemed incredibly sweet.

"You know, when my mom passed away we… we only had each other," she continued. "We supported each other, especially at the funeral."

She was silent for a minute when she noticed that Ronon was holding her hand and gently rubbing the back of it with his thumb. The gesture just didn't seem like him. He was the one to solve each and every problem with his gun or his fists, not to hold a picture of misery like she was right now.

And she wasn't even sure why she'd been crying so openly in front of him. She hadn't felt like crying when Woolsey had told her about her father's death. She hadn't felt like crying when Rodney had been here.

But when Ronon had just been standing there watching her try to pack that stupid bag she'd felt pressed to say anything and her thoughts had been running wild. She'd come up with so much to say and everything had included her father in one way or another and what she'd lost by losing him. She had known that if just one of the thoughts running through her mind was spoken aloud, she'd break down.

In the end she'd done that nonetheless.

Most importantly, she wasn't sure why she was spilling her guts to him. She shouldn't talk to him, not about all this. It was too intimate and she should have been sharing it all with the guy she was dating… not someone else.

But then again, Rodney wasn't there. So she just kept talking. "And I… I just… I'm afraid I can't do that, you know. I'll have to go to his funeral alone," she admitted in a soft voice. Sure, she'd told Rodney that he didn't need to go with her, but…

"No, you don't." Ronon's words interrupted her thoughts.

Her head shot up and she stared at him. Had he just offered to accompany her? And if he did should she accept it? Why was he so incredibly sweet to her after everything she'd said to him? She'd been sure she'd either broken his heart or really pissed him off. He had been avoiding her until now. And now that…

Thinking about her father's death made her eyes fill with tears again and she looked down.

"I'm sorry," she sniffled.

But Ronon just placed his arm around her shoulders once again and whispered, "Don't need to be."

It wasn't like the first breakdown; this was just silent tears falling on his shirt. She hadn't realized just how much all of the crying had worn her out until she began to fall asleep against his chest.

When Ronon felt her relax in his arms, he gently laid her down on the bed and tucked her in; secretly relieved she had found sleep.

He silently rearranged the jumbled clothes in her bag and closed up the zipper before he left.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Where were you – part 2

**Pairing:** Rodney/Keller, Ronon/Keller, kind of both but… well, there can be only one.

**Rating:** T

**Disclaimer:** Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to FOX. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time. The lyrics of the poem belong to Mary Elisabeth Frye or her descendants.

**Summary:** She'd made her decision for a very good reason – at least that was what she'd told herself. But suddenly she realized that maybe she had been wrong.

**warnings:** some angst and hurt/comfort

**AN:** _I know, it took me forever to finally update this story but here you go. All I can do is promise that I'll at least try to post sooner next time._

_I know that Jennifer seems a bit OC, but I wrote this from experience and while I'm really not the girl who cries all the time I lost it at my grandma's funeral. So this chapter is also dedicated to her (I hope she won't mind that it's a rather sad one)._

Strangely, the first thing Jennifer noticed when she woke up was that Ronon was gone. And the second thing she noticed was that her bag was standing packed on the floor next to her bed.

She realized she still had enough time to take a shower and get some breakfast, but she didn't want to go to the cafeteria. She just didn't want to see anyone. So she went to the small fridge in her quarters rather sure to find it almost empty.

Apart from a single apple she'd forgotten and was way past edible, she didn't find anything, making it worse than she first thought. Sighing she closed the door leaving the rotten apple where it was. It seemed that she needed to face all the pitiful looks from the inhabitants of Atlantis who didn't know her well enough to actually express their sympathies.

She'd just grabbed a light jacket, the only black clothing in her wardrobe, when her door chimed. Sure that it was either Teyla or Colonel Sheppard, she opened the door and was momentarily puzzled, as there was no one there.

Then she noticed the distinct smell of scrambled eggs and looked down where someone had placed a tray for her loaded with food that was sufficient for at least three people; or Ronon alone. Smiling slightly she picked it up and sat down at her table to eat in peace glad that she didn't need to see anyone for another two hours; which was good since she wouldn't have to hear the conversation taking place at the cafeteria at that moment.

"You should go," Ronon grumbled as he stopped by the table where Rodney and Sheppard were having breakfast.

Sheppard raised his head to give Ronon a strange glance. But the Satedan was too focused on his companion to even notice it.

"What?" Rodney asked through a mouthful of Jell-O when he finally noticed that Ronon's words had been addressed to him.

"Jennifer," Ronon simply added, as if that explained everything.

Rodney frowned and swallowed. "You mean the funeral? She said that… Wait! Why do you think this is any of your business."

"You should go." Ronon insisted.

"I have a lot to do." Rodney replied defensively. "I just had this idea of how to increase the energy supply throughout the whole city. The thing is, if anything goes wrong I have to be here so that I can fix it."

Ronon just frowned at him.

"And I would need to…" he stuttered, "get a proper suit and… pack some things and…"

"She leaves in two hours," Ronon mumbled and then he left.

John sighed and shoved a fork full of pancakes into his mouth while he listened to Rodney complaining how this wasn't Ronon's business and how the Satedan dared interfering in his affairs. "I mean, seriously? What does he think he knows about women – especially women from Earth?" he exclaimed.

"Easy, Rodney," John scolded; basically because everyone else in the cafeteria could hear Rodney's complaints as well.

Perhaps John should have told him that Ronon was right and that Rodney should indeed go with Jennifer to the funeral no matter what she'd said. But he'd sworn to himself that he would stay out of anybody else's love life – especially Rodney's. So he just listened to him complaining about Ronon's 'unwanted meddling' and then tried to avoid Rodney for the next two hours.

But when John saw Jennifer standing in front of the gate waiting for the address to be dialed he considered ordering Rodney to go with her. She stood dead still, her bag laying on the floor next to her, obviously not wanting to face anyone.

Carefully John stepped next to her. "I'm sorry for your loss, doc." he said contritely.

Jennifer just nodded and tried to flash him a smile.

Jennifer turned to leave a moment later at the sound of the gate opening, but when she bent down to pick up her bag, she saw a large, tanned hand grabbing it for her instead. Puzzled she looked up, her eyes taking in the tall, slim yet muscular form on their way up to meet his eyes.

John let out a sigh. At least the doc wasn't going to face all this alone – and even though John had never admitted it, it had helped him a great deal when Ronon had accompanied him to his father's funeral. But he also sensed a fight coming up. Hopefully, Rodney could at least pull himself together until Jennifer had overcome the loss of her father.

"Let's go." was all Ronon said when he looked into Jennifer's questioning eyes, his voice unusually soft.

She nodded again and took a deep breath before they both stepped through the gate.

It wasn't as bad as she'd expected it to be when they arrived at the SGC. The appearance of the tall warrior in the dark black jeans, that were just too perfectly clinging to his body, and the loose white long-sleeved shirt made most of the people reconsider their intention to talk to Jennifer. If she was honest, it was probably more the menacing look on his face and the fact that he carried his gun in his waistband for everyone to see.

But Jennifer didn't care. To be perfectly honest, she was glad that Ronon, never leaving her side even for a second while they were on the base, scared everyone away. She really wasn't in the mood for talking or for company at all. No, that was wrong. She didn't mind Ronon's company. But that was different. He was one of the very few people in the whole universe who could spend an entire day with her and not say a single word. She'd always thought it was a flaw that Ronon wasn't exactly good at talking. But now she found his taciturnity very soothing. She wasn't in the mood to talk nor to listen and he just seemed to know.

He took her to the cafeteria and brought her food without ever asking if she was hungry or what she wanted. And even though she didn't think she could get anything down at all she didn't argue but ate the pancakes he'd brought her. In fact, it made her feel at least a little better. Not the pancakes, but the fact that he was taking care of her.

He even helped her pick out something to wear for the funeral, which certainly was the strangest thing yet. She'd never let a man pick out clothes for her before, not even the few boyfriends she'd had. But it seemed so natural when he went with her into the clothes shop and held the black dress out to her. Much to Jennifer's surprise he'd been able to guess her size right. Moreover she really liked the dress, and she knew that her father would have loved it.

Jennifer wasn't sure whether it was a good or a bad thing that the funeral was so soon. She hoped that she'd finally feel better after she'd had the chance to say goodbye, but she feared that she might not make it ten minutes into the service before she completely fell apart.

The drive back home this time was more difficult. She had suggested taking a cab because she didn't trust herself driving a car at the moment; which ended up being the right choice since her fingers trembled terribly as she struggled to put the key into the lock.

Ronon silently took them from her and opened the door. "We could stay at a hotel," he pointed out.

"I know," Jennifer nodded, taking a deep breath. "But somehow I feel that… I don't know. It just doesn't feel right."

He followed her inside the house, taking in how neat and tidy it was,while keeping a cozy feeling. The furnishings were rather old-fashioned which escaped Ronon's notice since he wasn't all too familiar with the most recent trend on Earth, but then neither was Jennifer.

"You know, after my mom died dad always said he would never leave the house untidy, just in case he didn't come back," she sniffled.

Carefully Ronon sat down next to her on the couch. "That's why I don't own anything. No one has to take care of my things," he admitted.

"That's really sad, you know," she whispered, leaning her head against his shoulder.

They sat in silence for a while until Jennifer quietly admitted, "I don't know how I'm supposed to survive the funeral tomorrow."

"Then don't go," Ronon suggested.

"I have to," Jennifer explained, "I mean, my whole family will be there and I owe it to my dad to be there to… to say goodbye. And I want to. It's just… you know, you have to shake so many hands and everyone's telling you how sorry they are and… and… I don't know."

"Worry about that tomorrow," Ronon said softly. "You need to rest right now."

She nodded slightly but she refused to move. She just needed the contact, the warmth that radiated from his body, because she suddenly felt incredibly cold.

When he noticed her shiver, Ronon gently wrapped her up in his arms and pulled her close. This time she didn't cry, but after a while Ronon felt her relax against him. So he laid down with her on the couch where he soon followed her into a deep and dreamless sleep.

**XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX**

She woke up to the sound of his heartbeat, strong and steady and incredibly soothing. Unwillingly, she got up and casted a quick glance at the clock on the wall, which told her that they didn't even have enough time for a real meal.

But Ronon didn't seem to care. He prepared some toast while Jennifer was in the bathroom and they ate in silence. She had to admit that it was better to be in a hurry before the funeral. Having had time to get ready would have meant having time to think about what was still to come. She knew it would be the worst day of her life; or at least in the top five.

"Jennifer!" one of her cousins greeted her impatiently, hugging her just a bit too hard. "Thank goodness, we really thought you wouldn't make it in time! Where the hell have you been?"

"I…" she tried but when her eyes fell into the chapel and onto the coffin her father was in she felt new tears spring to her eyes.

"Our plane was late," Ronon lied for her.

"Oh?" the woman replied, eying him up and down. "And you are?"

"A friend," he grunted.

"Nice. Anyways," she said, turning back to Jennifer and thrusting a piece of paper into her hands, "here, you have to read this when you're giving your speech."

"My… what?" Jennifer choked out in barely a whisper.

"Your speech, silly," the woman replied, rolling her eyes. "You're his only child; you're supposed to give the eulogy."

"I… can't…" she objected weekly.

"Hogwash" the woman scoffed, "you're gonna give the eulogy and that's that!"

Jennifer's hands were shaking so badly she almost couldn't hold the paper in her hands. And even worse she wasn't able to read a single line since her eyes were full of tears. How was she supposed to give a speech right now when she wasn't even able to stand upright?

"And now his daughter is going to tell us about his life," the priest announced, stepping back from the pulpit.

Jennifer turned to Ronon for help. "Get me out of here, please!" she whispered desperately.

Ronon squeezed her hand briefly, before taking the paper out of her hands. Then he stood up and under the leery eyes of the audience and the disbelief in Jennifer's eyes he approached the pulpit.

"I didn't know Jennifer's father," he began. Hell, he really wasn't good at talking. But he also knew that Jennifer wouldn't survive it if she had to stand here. "But I know Jennifer. She's the most considerate and most good-hearted person I've ever met, so I guess her father wasn't much different. If he could see her now, he would be proud of her. She saves lives every day, sometimes even risking her life to save someone else. But I've never once seen her waver. He can be proud of having such a daughter and of having raised her the best way possible to become one of the best people I know."

He cleared his throat and then read out the poem that was written on the paper in his hands.

"Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there, I do not sleep.

.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glint on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

.

When you wake in the morning hush,

I am the swift, uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft starlight at night.

.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there, I do not sleep.

(Do not stand at my grave and cry.

I am not there, I did not die!)"

Once he was finished, they stood up to follow the coffin out of the hall and to the open grave. Jennifer's legs felt like jelly threatening to stop holding her weight, and she was sure that any moment she'd just slide to the ground and never stand up again, but Ronon rushed to her side and held her tight and close, giving her all the support she needed. She would later be amazed how he never once left her side, led her to the grave and didn't say a single word when she completely lost it and started to sob uncontrollably as she had to disperse the soil over the coffin.

He then led her to a nearby bench and held her close to him scaring off anyone who wanted to approach her and offer their sympathies.

"I'm sorry," she sniffled once she had regained enough control of herself to trust her voice in forming coherent words.

"Don't be," Ronon said, brushing a strand of her hair out of her face; a gesture that Jennifer found uncharacteristically gentle for him.

She took a deep breath and freed herself from his embrace. "Thank you" she said, "for… giving the speech, for everything you said, for… for staying with me and supporting me."

He wanted to say 'you're welcome' but reconsidered that and instead replied: "I hope there'll be a reception. I'm starving."

She stared at him for a second – and then she laughed for the first time in many days.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title **Where were you – part 3

**Pairing:** Rodney/Keller, Ronon/Keller, kind of both but… well, there can be only one.

**Rating:** T

**Disclaimer:** Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to FOX. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.

**Summary:** She'd made her decision for a very good reason – at least that was what she'd told herself. But suddenly she realized that maybe she had been wrong.

**warnings:** some angst and hurt/comfort

**AN:**_ I know, it's been a very long while since I last updated this story. It was due to many problems I had to face in the meantime, but that's a different story. My life is crazy and I gave up hope that this will ever change._

_Then, I just couldn't seem to get this chapter right. Especially not after the first two chapters were so emotional. Well, it's not perfect, but good enough for me to finally post it now._

_Thanks for being so patient!_

_Caro_

"Who is that woman anyway?" Ronon wanted to know, nodding his head towards the annoying woman who had been bugging Jennifer at the funeral.

"My cousin Elisa," Jennifer replied, watching him put another piece of the steak into his mouth. "She's not that bad, just a little… untactful."

"Pain in the ass," he mumbled.

"You know, it's amazing how much you can actually eat," she commented, changing the topic.

"You should try this," Ronon muttered before swallowing his bite, holding out the plate to her. "It's really good."

"Thanks, I… I just don't feel like eating," she answered. At least she didn't feel so much like crying anymore after the funeral.

Ronon took a big piece of the steak on his fork, and held it out to her. "Try it."

Sighing, Jennifer gave in and closed her eyes for a moment. She hadn't known until now how much she'd missed the Earth food. Not that there weren't any good cooks on Atlantis, but this was different.

"See," Ronon smirked, handing her the fork.

"I can go get my own plate," she tried to argue.

But Ronon had already gotten up. "Eat," he ordered. "I'm gonna try the other stuff."

She sighed again, and decided to be a good girl and eat. She hadn't even realized how hungry she was. Ronon was right, the food was amazingly good.

"So…" a voice said suddenly, interrupting her thoughts.

Jennifer looked up into the grinning faces of her two cousins, Elisa and her sister Terry. "What?" she wanted to know.

Terry rolled her eyes. "Who is that dream of a man?" she asked, pointing her head Ronon's direction.

"Ronon?" she burst out. For a brief moment she entertained the idea of telling them they were dating, but then she decided to go with the truth. "He's… a friend."

"A friend?" Elisa repeated and grimaced. "What kind of 'friend' is he?"

"I… um… he…" Jennifer started to stutter.

"Ooooh…" Elisa waggled her eyebrows. "THAT kind of friend…"

"What? No… I mean…" Great! What was she supposed to tell them now? That she had chosen someone else over this dream of a man because she'd thought Ronon solved all his problems with a gun, because she'd wanted someone with more compassion, more empathy, someone more caring?

That she'd chosen someone who didn't even find the time to go with her to the funeral of her father because some computer program he'd just invented was more important than she was? That she had chosen someone else over Ronon because she'd thought the latter just wasn't her type; as if she knew who her type was?

She felt new tears springing to her eyes. _'__Face the truth! Even after you blew him off he cares much more about you than Rodney ever can. You made a mistake.'_ She thought to herself.

"You alright?" Ronon's worried voice asked, interrupting her gloomy thoughts.

"Yeah," she sniffled, wiping off her face.

Ronon frowned at the two ladies sitting opposite of Jennifer, "They bothering you?"

"We were just chatting, Mr…" Elisa sweetly replied, fluttering her eyes innocently at him.

"Ronon," he grunted. "Dex."

"Mr… Ronon Dex," she replied, extendeding her hand. "I am Elisa Russham, the daughter of Jennifer's father's sister."

Ronon just frowned at her hand, wondering what the last information had been good for. As if he knew anything about or anyone in Jennifer's family.

"Well," Elisa said, pulling her hand back with a mixture of embarrassment, anger and confusion. "Tell me, Mr. Dex, where did you meet my favorite cousin?"

_Your ONLY cousin!_ Jennifer thought with a slight snort.

"Work," he replied as he sat down next to Jennifer since his seat was now occupied.

"Really?" Terri exclaimed.

Ronon gave her a strange look. They didn't seem to be the brightest stars in the sky. "Yeah."

"And… what exactly do you do?" Terri wanted to know.

"Blow up stuff," he shrugged, "and shoot people."

Jennifer sighed with embarrassment.

Terri and Elisa exchanged puzzled glances before they burst into laughter.

Jennifer smiled a bit sheepishly at Ronon. Thankfully, her two cousins took his comment as a joke; and somehow the look on his face told her this had been his intention.

"I see," Elisa giggled. "Your work is classified, right?"

"I'm afraid so," Jennifer answered, jumping in before Ronon could answer the question.

"Well, your private life hopefully is not," Terri giggled. "So, how long have you two been an item already?"

Jennifer felt the blood drain from her face and was sure she was as pale as the façade of her father's house. "Excuse me," she just mumbled as she jumped up and ran off.

"Did I say something wrong?" Terri asked with a knowing smile and an exaggerated expression.

"We just don't share everything with anyone," Ronon grumbled as he stood up as well. He didn't need to know anything about Jennifer's cousins to understand why she'd stormed off – because she thought that he was going to tell them they weren't dating. That obviously would have been embarrassing for her. Maybe because Rodney hadn't accompanied her.

As if he'd really tell Jennifer's cousins anything about her and Rodney, or her and him. This was her family, people she knew. Ronon wasn't about to tell anyone anything. He was here because he wanted to help her, offer some comfort. Not to make her feel embarrassed in front of the people from her past. Ronon had thought Jennifer knew that.

It took him a few minutes to find her sitting in her childhood room on her bed with an album in her hands and tears in her eyes. Without saying a word he sat down next to her, and glanced at the pictures, most of them showing herself and her father.

"I… I wanted to take some pictures of him with me," she sniffled. "You know, to… have something to remind me of the time I spent with him and… I don't know to… to have him with me. But I just can't decide which one to take."

Ronon thought for a brief moment standing up again. "I'm gonna sent them away." He didn't even wait for her affirmation; he knew she needed some quiet now.

Jennifer smiled slightly as she let her fingers run over a picture of her father. He'd have liked Ronon; certainly the only one in her family that did. Ronon understood what she needed without her saying anything.

More tears formed in her eyes. She'd made the biggest mistake of her life when she'd spurned Ronon and told him that she wasn't interested. He was the one who'd come with her to the funeral of her father, the only true family she'd had. He was the one taking care of her, and if it hadn't been for his support, she wouldn't have survived this.

When she heard him coming back up the stairs, she quickly wiped the tears from her face. This wasn't right. He shouldn't be here with her when she was with someone else. And she shouldn't be longing for his embrace to make her feel better.

The truth was that when he held her, it made her feel like she hadn't lost everything. That there was still someone who cared for her; that she wasn't all on her own now. She needed that reassurance now more than ever.

Maybe she just felt this way because she was in complete turmoil. She needed support, closeness and caring; and Ronon offered all that, seemingly knowing exactly what she needed.

Of course, he did. Of course, he understood. No one knew better than him what it meant to lose your whole family so suddenly. He understood and Rodney didn't. If he'd known how she felt, he would have been here with her.

_Really?_

Jennifer tried to shake off these thoughts. She was too distraught to think clearly. She shouldn't question her life or her decisions right now. Not when Rodney was billions of miles away from her.

She was too vulnerable at the moment. Right now, Ronon had a great advantage over her. If he tried to make a pass at her, she'd give in to him. Jennifer wondered if he knew that.

"They're all gone," Ronon informed her. "Your cousins didn't seem too happy, though."

Jennifer smiled slightly. "You're right; they are a pain in the ass."

"Told you so," he replied with a smirk.

She remained silent for a moment, looking back down at the album in her hands. "I can't believe this is over," she finally whispered. "I mean… I don't know. Tomorrow we're gonna head back to Atlantis and then…"

Ronon frowned at her. "You know, Sam would probably approve if we ask her to stay a little longer."

_We._ Jennifer gave him a sad smile, and shook her head. "I can't hide away for the rest of my life. Life goes on, right?"

Slowly, Ronon went to her bed and sat down next to her. "It's okay if you take a break."

Jennifer sniffled. "No, it's not. If I take a break now, I may never go back to Atlantis again. I… I need the work, I need something…"

"Some routine," Ronon finished for her.

She smiled slightly at him. She knew he would understand.

"You know, I can't tell you how grateful I am that you came with me to the funeral," Jennifer told him in a low voice, looking down at her hands. "I… certainly would have lost it without your support."

"That's what friends are for," he shrugged.

"Yeah," she sniffled. Technically, this was what a boyfriend was for. She had really thought Rodney knew that. Of course, she had told him she'd be fine, but anyone else would have realized it was a lie.

Ronon had.

Jennifer felt new tears springing to her eyes, and quickly wiped them away, hoping Ronon hadn't noticed them. But, of course, he had. She felt his arm around her shoulders the next second, and she willingly leaned her head against his chest.

Yeah, this was what a boyfriend was for. Why didn't Rodney see that? How could he be so blind and self-centered?

_Face it, you're the one who was blind._

She had known of Rodney's lack of empathy and sensitivity beforehand. She'd experienced his egotism more than once. How could she have thought it would be any different with her?

Rodney wasn't a bad guy. On the contrary, he was good at heart; and Jennifer was sure he really loved her. He certainly cared about her, but his social incompetence kept him from showing it.

Rodney was smart and he could be cute. One of the reasons Jennifer had chosen him had been his brains. Not that she thought Ronon was dumb, but Rodney could understand every word when she was talking about her work.

_But what does it matter when he never listens?_

He was, in many ways, still immature. He needed someone to tell him what was appropriate and what wasn't. Most of the time, he needed someone to take care of him, especially when there were any life-threatening problems and he was about to freak out again. Most of the time, Jennifer didn't mind being that someone.

Right now, however, she really needed someone to take care of her. Her whole life had been turned upside down, her family ripped apart. She needed someone to support her, to comfort her. Someone to remind her she wasn't alone.

She couldn't help but wonder how hers and Ronon's relationship would have developed if their attempt to kiss each other during the quarantine hadn't been interrupted. They had never talked about it again, as if it had never happened. Would it have been the same if they had actually kissed each other?

She surely wouldn't be with Rodney now if Ronon had ever clearly stated what he felt for her, what his intentions were; if he had any intentions at all.

Rodney had told her that he loved her. Ronon had said he didn't have any intentions. What should she have done? She was sure about Rodney's intentions, but with Ronon, she never was.

"You should try and get some sleep." Ronon's voice interrupted her thoughts.

She opened her mouth to reply that she didn't think she could, but reconsidered it. She could spend the night trying to figure out what to do with her father's stuff, but she wasn't even sure if she wanted to sell the house or not. There was no way to be sure when, or if, she would move back here some day.

Sighing, she crawled under her blanket and watched as Ronon walked to the door. If she hadn't blown him off, he would hold her tonight and she wouldn't even have to ask for it. Now she _couldn't_ ask for it, or at least she shouldn't. She felt new tears spring to her eyes and quickly wiped them away.

Ronon sighed as he walked to the door. As much as he didn't like seeing her in pain, he couldn't deny that he had enjoyed being allowed to hold her the last couple of days. He hadn't been so close to her since that day in the infirmary, but he knew that it wasn't forever; she was with someone else. She had chosen another man over him, and he surely shouldn't be the one sharing a bed with her at night.

Where was Rodney, though? He had refused to come with her to her father's funeral. Of course, he would be mad at both of them that Ronon had gone with her instead, but Ronon honestly didn't care about that. He was much stronger than Rodney anyway, so what could the other man do?

When he turned around in the doorway to say goodnight, he saw Jennifer wipe some new tears from her face. She still was hurting and Ronon knew she wouldn't find any sleep tonight if he left her alone.

He really shouldn't stay with her, though. It wasn't appropriate. Besides, tomorrow they were going back to Atlantis and she was going back to Rodney.

But tonight was tonight, and tomorrow was tomorrow. Who cared what he should or shouldn't do? What happened on Earth stayed on Earth; nobody needed to know.

Without asking, he walked back to the bed, crawled under the blanket next to her and wrapped his arms tightly around her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: **Where were you – part 4

**Pairing:** Rodney/Keller, Ronon/Keller, kind of both, but… well, there can be only one

**Rating:** T

**Disclaimer:** Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to FOX. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.

**Summary:** She'd made her decision for a very good reason – at least that was what she'd told herself. But suddenly, she realized that maybe she had been wrong.

**Warnings:** some angst and hurt/comfort

**AN:**_ Okay, I know this took me forever, but here finally is the fourth chapter. I haven't forgotten about the story, I was just pretty much stuck with it. I certainly still am, because I know where this story is supposed to go, but I have no idea how to get there._

She didn't need to worry about anyone addressing the death of her father, or the fact that she'd gone with Ronon to the funeral when they arrived back at Atlantis. They hadn't even left the hall, when the alert activated, signalizing an incoming wormhole.

"Sir, it's SG-5," a young soldier called out from the platform to John, who had been about to bid his two colleagues welcome. "They've been attacked by the Wraith, we have six seriously injured."

"Six?" Jennifer called out. How was that possible? Usually, there were only four people on a SG-team.

"SG-5 had been searching the planet for resources," John explained. "There were four scientists and a bunch of technicians with them to mine the metal we found there."

There wasn't time for further explanations, as a dozen people rushed through the Stargate, one of them shouting, "Shut it down! Shut it down! They're right behind us!"

His face was burnt, blood was dripping from his chin onto the floor of the hall, but still he was on his own feet, carrying one of his comrades with more extensive burning, as far as Jennifer could tell.

The med-team rushed into the hall, pulling the soldiers on stretchers; the most seriously injured first. "Take them back to the lab, fast!" Jennifer's colleague, doctor Angela Seavers, shouted.

"Hey, Jen, good to see you again," she greeted over her shoulder, while examining one of the soldiers.

Jennifer dropped her bag, and rushed to a soldier lying on the floor. He was badly burnt and his pulse was shallow. "I need a stretcher over here!" she shouted.

A few seconds later two of her colleagues came rushing through the hall with the requested stretcher. Even as they heaved the patient onto it, Jennifer could literally feel the life leaving his body.

"To the lab," she shouted, climbing on the stretcher and starting CPR.

"Tell her I'll take care of her stuff," Ronon told Dr. Seavers.

"Oh, I'm sure _she_ will be grateful," the woman replied with a knowing look.

Ronon frowned at her. "What?"

"Never mind," she replied with a shrug, pushing another stretcher through the hall.

Ronon looked at John. "What?" he repeated. He was sure John knew what was going on.

Sighing, John put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "You know, Rodney wasn't _exactly_ happy that you accompanied his girlfriend to the funeral."

Clenching his fists and jaws, Ronon snarled, "I told him to go."

"I know," John assured him. "But you know Rodney."

"Where is he?" the Satedan wanted to know.

John grimaced. "You really shouldn't talk to him right now – and not in the near future," he advised. "Give Jen some time to sort things out with him on her own."

Frowning, Ronon nodded and grabbed Jennifer's bag, heading for her quarters.

On his way, he passed the infirmary. Nurses and doctors were rushing through the room, all dressed in grey suits, most of them covered with blood. Taking a deep breath, he moved on. Jennifer shouldn't be here. She shouldn't be confronted with so much injury, certainly death, so shortly after her father's funeral. But he also knew there was no way to talk her out of trying to help. He would just stand in the way.

Jennifer saw Ronon walk past the infirmary and she took a second to look at him before returning her attention to her patient. They had already lost two of the six injured victims, and she didn't want to lose another one.

The infirmary smelled of burnt flesh and blood, a scent she had learned to live with but never entirely got used to. It still made her feel sick.

She watched Angela trying to reanimate another patient, a young scientist, not much older than herself.

"Dr. Keller," she heard a voice behind her, "how much adrenalin?"

Jennifer shook her head to clear her thoughts; she needed to switch back to work-mode. There would be time to be emotional later. So she took care of the adrenalin herself, gave more orders and cleaned more wounds, trying to stabilize as many patients as she could.

Three hours later, she was sitting in her office, her head in her hands, trying to keep the tears at bay that threatened to fall. Exhausted didn't even begin to describe how she felt. They had lost four of the six injured; four.

"I see you're back," she heard Rodney's voice behind her.

She took a deep breath before she turned around to face him. "Rodney," she greeted, trying to give him an honest smile.

"So… How was your trip with _Ronon_?" he asked. The disdain when he said Ronon's name was hard to miss.

"Rodney, please," she whispered with a sigh. "I really can't do this right now."

"Oh, sure, you don't have time for me," he complained. "I completely understand."

"I lost four patients," she told him. "I'm really not in any condition to discuss all this now."

"Really? Well, there isn't much to discuss," Rodney replied. "Just answer one question. Why did you have to take _him_ with you of all people?"

"Maybe because _you_ had more important things to do; once again," she replied, her voice harsher than she'd intended it to be.

"I… You… You told me it was fine if I stayed," he defended himself.

Jennifer stood up, tears now clearly visible in her eyes. "Because I knew you wouldn't come with me anyway," she replied in a low voice. "I just wanted to spare you of making the decision on your own."

"Well I guess you weren't too distraught about it since Ronon kept you company," Rodney snarled, wanting to kick himself the moment he said it.

Jennifer stared at him for a second before responding quietly, "I'm sorry, Rodney, but I can't handle this anymore. I think it's better if we… just… don't see each other for a while."

That being said, she stormed out of the room.

He followed her a few seconds later, sure she was heading for her quarters. He wanted to apologize. He knew he needed to apologize.

But the only person he met at her quarters was Ronon. "What? Did you move in with her?" Rodney spat out.

"You should have gone with her," Ronon told him sternly.

"When did my relationship with Jennifer become your business?" Rodney grumbled. "She told me it was fine to stay here."

Ronon crossed his arms in front of his chest. "She needed you. You weren't there."

"And I'm sure you only considered it your duty to take my place," he snorted.

"I told you to go," Ronon replied.

Rodney had to admit that he couldn't argue with that. And he wasn't mad at Ronon because he had accompanied Jennifer to the funeral. He was mad at himself because he hadn't had the sensitivity to accompany her himself.

Plus, he knew that Ronon still had feelings for Jennifer. How sure could he be that the other man hadn't acted on his feelings in the meantime? Jennifer had been vulnerable, and it would have been easy for Ronon to take advantage of her.

Because he had let him. This was all his fault. He needed to find Jennifer to apologize.

So for the first time in his life he swallowed his pride and his jealousy, and asked, "Where is she? I need to talk to her."

Ronon frowned at him, concern shining in his green eyes. "You don't know where she is?"

"No," Rodney replied. "I… When she left the infirmary, she was pretty upset. I thought she was here."

Ronon ground his teeth. He didn't need to ask Rodney why Jennifer had been upset. He needed to find her. In her condition, with everything she'd been through lately, he knew she shouldn't be alone.

"Hey," Rodney protested as Ronon rushed past him.

It took him nearly an hour to find her. In fact, he almost didn't find her at all. But when he passed a door in one of the uninhabited parts of the city, he saw a figure on the stage.

Carefully stepping closer, Ronon realized that she was crying. Without saying a word, he sat down next to her and put his arm around her.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed, leaning her head against his shoulder. "This was just… too much."

"You lost patients," he guessed. From her behavior, it was obvious to him.

Jennifer nodded in the half-embrace. "Four," she said, sniffling. "They were… too seriously injured."

"What happened?" Ronon asked.

Jennifer raised her head to look at him. It really seemed like he wanted to know. Would he even understand what she told him? What did it matter?

She laid her head against his chest and started to tell him what had happened in the infirmary. She tried not to use any technical terms – and if she did, she tried to explain them.

"We tried adrenalin," she told him, sniffling again. "You know, that's the hormone your body produces when you're…"

"Yeah," he interrupted her, "I… I know adrenalin pretty well."

Jennifer's heart skipped a beat. He was listening to her, really listening. "It's supposed to keep the bloodstream running, but… It didn't work. They were too badly wounded. You know, we're not only breathing through our lungs but also through our skin. So, when too much of the skin is too badly burnt, the patients simply suffocate, and there's not much you can do about it."

"You tried," he whispered in her hair. "That's all that matters."

"Is it?" she asked, sniffling once more. "I mean, what do I tell the families?"

"You don't have to write the letters," he told her, his voice unusually soft. "Sheppard can do it."

"I know, but… they were my patients," Jennifer objected. "It's my duty."

"Then tell them the truth," Ronon said. "It will help them to read that someone cared and tried to save their family members."

"I don't know," she whispered against his chest. "I think it's cold comfort."

"If I had lost someone I loved," Ronon softly objected. "I would want to hear that someone cared about them until the end. That someone fought for their lives and tried to save them."

She just nodded in his arms, knowing that he was right. Even if it was cold comfort, at least they would read that she truly felt sorry for their loss – and for not being able to save their loved ones.

"And then Rodney came to see me, and… he only cared about you accompanying me to my father's funeral," she continued. She wasn't sure why she told Ronon of all people, but she needed to get this off her chest.

"We were fighting," she added. "At least, I think we were. Rodney was complaining, and I just wanted to make him understand that it was a bad time, but… he wouldn't listen; and in the end, I… kind of split up with him."

"I'm sorry," Ronon mumbled, even though he wasn't sure he really was. Did that mean he had a second chance? Not right away, of course, but maybe in the not too distant future. Or would they reconcile?

"Really?" Jennifer whispered. "I honestly don't know if I am. I just… Don't get me wrong, Rodney is a good guy, but I can't handle his emotional ineptness any longer. So I told him that it was better if we didn't see each other anymore. I mean, I didn't mind being there for him when he needed me, but… I always thought that… it would be mutual, you know?"

"It should have been," Ronon confirmed.

Jennifer smiled bleakly. Was it just her or was Ronon trying to talk her into believing her actions had been right? Or maybe this was his way of offering her comfort.

"I don't know," she said with a sigh. "Maybe I should talk to him again. I just… I don't know."

"You don't want to hurt him," Ronon stated. "You should ask yourself if he would do the same for you."

She raised her head to look at him and saw something in his eyes she had never seen before. She knew Rodney loved her, but when he was upset, it would never occur to him to think before he spoke to avoid hurting her feelings.

But looking at Ronon now, she realized that he would never knowingly hurt her. She felt a sudden urge to lean up and kiss him. Maybe it was just because she had always wondered what it would feel like. Or maybe it was because this particular moment made her realize that she was in love with him.

New tears filled her eyes and she leaned her head back against Ronon's chest, feeling incredibly stupid. She'd had a crush on Ronon from the moment she'd first laid eyes on his godlike appearance. Who wouldn't?

But she had chosen Rodney over him thinking that he didn't love her, but knowing that Rodney did. She liked Rodney, maybe even loved him. Their relationship had been too short and Rodney had too often been himself for her to really fall in love with him.

And now she was in love with Ronon.

"You should try and get some rest," he whispered into her hair.

She shook her head, trying to regain her self-control. "I have to write to the families."

"That can wait until tomorrow," he stated, instinctively reaching out and brushing away her tears with his thumb.

Leaning into his soft touch, Jennifer closed her eyes for a moment, and suddenly realized how exhausted she actually was.

"Okay," she whispered, fearing that she would destroy this moment of intimacy if she spoke louder.

Nodding, Ronon rose to his feet and helped her up, frowning at her in concern. She suddenly looked incredibly pale. "Are you all right?" he asked carefully.

She nodded, as she let him pull her to her feet, but moments later, realized that she actually wasn't. Her head was spinning, and she suddenly felt weak, too weak to remain standing. She needed to sit, even better, lie down. It was most likely just due to the stress. Maybe it was the scent of burnt flesh she'd had to inhale for hours that now made her feel sick. Jennifer opened her mouth to say something, but couldn't get a single word out.

She felt tired, weary and sick. She noticed that she was swaying, and then felt two strong arms wrap around her, before everything around her went black.

Ronon broke her fall, and immediately lifted her up. He considered taking her to the infirmary, but dismissed the idea, knowing that when she woke up she shouldn't be confronted by the sight that had caused her so much misery.

So he took her to her rooms instead, calling Dr. Seavers just to make sure Jennifer would be all right.

"Do you know when she last ate anything?" Dr. Seavers asked only a few minutes later after having checked on Jennifer.

"No," Ronon replied with a frown. "Before we left earth, I suppose."

Dr. Seavers gave him a sympathetic smile. "Well, if she hasn't eaten properly since then, it's no wonder she collapsed. Her body needed to rest, so it made her rest."

Ronon nodded absentmindedly.

"You know, she shouldn't be alone," the older doctor told him. "In case she wakes up feeling sick or doesn't wake up at all; which I doubt will happen. Shall I inform Rodney?"

Ronon chewed on his lower lip. "I don't know." He really didn't. They'd split up, after all.

Smiling, Dr. Seavers placed a hand on Ronon's arm, leaning in a little. "I'm sure she'd rather have you around," she said in a low voice. "But I didn't tell you that. Call me if you need anything."

That being said, she was gone.

Sighing, Ronon checked on Jennifer again, before settling on her couch for the night, hoping she really would be glad that he had stayed instead of calling Rodney.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: **Where were you – part 5

**Pairing:** Rodney/Keller, Ronon/Keller, kind of both, but… well, there can be only one

**Rating:** T

**Disclaimer:** Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to FOX. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.

**Summary:** She'd made her decision for a very good reason – at least that was what she'd told herself. But suddenly, she realized that maybe she had been wrong.

**Warnings:** some angst and hurt/comfort

**AN:**_ I'm sorry for the delay – again. I really got stuck with the chapter – not to mention my life that kept getting in the way. ;) But here it finally is. I hope you enjoy it._

The last thing Jennifer remembered were Ronon's arms wrapping around her to keep her from falling off the stage she'd been sitting on for at least an hour. Now, she knew that the most common two reasons that people fainted were exhaustion and in females, pregnancy. And since she was absolutely sure it couldn't be the latter, she must have fainted due to exhaustion. It was no surprise considering what had happened yesterday. At least she thought it had been yesterday. When Ronon had found her on the stage, it had already been nighttime, but now it was pretty bright outside.

Her stomach rumbled then, making her realize that she hadn't eaten anything in what seemed like an eternity; certainly another reason why her body had decided to shut down.

Much to her surprise, the scent of coffee wafted to her nose. She hoped it wasn't her mind playing her tricks, because she _really_ needed a coffee at that moment.

Her question was answered when Ronon appeared in the doorway, carrying a tray from the cafeteria filled with a proper breakfast.

"You're awake," he stated, bringing the tray into the room and setting it down on the bedside table. "You should eat."

"What happened?" Jennifer asked, feeling her heart start to race when she noticed that she was dressed in her pajamas. Had _he_…?

"You passed out," Ronon replied, sitting down on the side of the bed. "I brought you here and called Dr. Seavers. She said you needed to rest, changed your clothes, and told me someone should stay with you."

"Thank you," she said, sighing with relief. "I… I'm sorry I unloaded on you last night. You must think I'm an awful whiner."

"I asked you," he told her with a slight smirk, "Wouldn't have if I hadn't wanted to hear."

"Thank you, Ronon," she repeated, "For everything."

The corner of his mouth lifted. "You're welcome. Now eat. Sheppard gave you the day off, and Teyla said she wanted to check on you later today."

Jennifer decided to be a good girl and finish her breakfast. She did need to eat something; the strong coffee was also a plus.

Despite the fact that she kept telling him he didn't need to, Ronon stayed with her until Teyla arrived, insisting that Dr. Seavers had told him not to leave her alone. It was sweet how he took care of her, which didn't help Jennifer in her current situation of finding herself in love with the Satedan.

Teyla smiled knowingly at Ronon when he left Jennifer's rooms upon her arrival. "How are you feeling?" she asked her friend, sitting down next to her on the couch.

"Fine," Jennifer assured her. "I'm fine. I was just… overworked and had forgotten to eat anything. The funeral and then the injured and then Rodney… it was all a little too much."

"I know," Teyla said. "I heard about your fight with Rodney."

Jennifer rolled her eyes. "Is he already ranting about it?"

"No," the older woman assured her in a soft voice. "Actually, he seemed remorseful about your fight. He searched John out for advice."

Sighing, Jennifer turned to look at her friend. "I'm afraid I made a mistake," she whispered.

Sensing what the other woman was talking about, Teyla put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Did you know that Ronon told Rodney to go with you?"

Jennifer raised both her eyebrows in surprise.

Teyla smiled warmly. "Rodney refused, saying that you said you were fine. When Ronon went with you, Rodney was upset. But I think he also realized that it was wrong not to go with you."

Jennifer took a deep breath. "I know he's in love with me," she said. "And I really like him. I think I even loved him, or at least I tried. But he's so… self-centered and oblivious to people's feelings most of the time…"

"Rodney is just Rodney," Teyla replied, sighing a little. "He can't change, no matter how hard he tries; and he really tried for you."

"I know," Jennifer assured her. "But… isn't it unfair to try and change someone? I should be able to love the person he is."

Teyla couldn't suppress the small chuckle. "As nice as he can be when he really tries, it's often hard enough to like the person he is. I think sometimes even for himself."

"Yeah, maybe," Jennifer whispered.

"You fell in love with Ronon," Teyla stated. She didn't even have to ask.

Jennifer just nodded, no words being needed.

"You were hurt, and very vulnerable. You needed someone – and Ronon was everything Rodney should have been at that moment," Teyla said calmly. "Besides, you can't deny that there was something between you and Ronon before you and Rodney became a couple."

"Well, I… I'm not sure," she mumbled, feeling her cheeks turn red. "You know, during the lockdown in the infirmary we… we were about to kiss when the lockdown was lifted."

Teyla nodded. "But you thought it was just because of the… situation."

"I don't know," Jennifer whispered. "I mean, he never really made a move or anything."

"But Rodney did," Teyla added.

Again, Jennifer simply nodded in agreement.

Teyla smiled warmly at her. "Ronon likes you very much," she told Jennifer. "He just has his own ways of showing it; and exclaiming that he loves you while facing death isn't one of them."

"What he did for me," Jennifer whispered. "He'd do for anyone else around here."

"True," the other woman affirmed. "Except for the fact that he really tries to behave when you're around. Maybe you haven't noticed, but he's much softer and more open with you than he is with anyone else."

"I don't know," Jennifer mumbled.

"But I do," Teyla insisted. "Believe me; he cares greatly about you."

"How can you be so sure," she asked quietly.

Teyla smiled at her. "Because I know Ronon, and I can tell from his behavior when he is fond of someone, or has feelings of a romantic nature towards them."

Jennifer looked at her warily.

"Plus he told me," Teyla added.

Jennifer's eyes widened. It couldn't be true. Ronon had told _her_ that he wasn't interested. Why would he tell Teyla otherwise?

"He cares a great deal about you, Jennifer," Teyla told her. "But he believes that you deserve better than him, and that you are not interested in him."

"I don't know," Jennifer mumbled. She wasn't sure if she could really believe Teyla's words, or if she actually _wanted_ to believe them. It would make things so much easier if Ronon shared her feelings; and so much more complicated.

She hadn't missed that Ronon and Rodney weren't exactly friends. In fact, there seemed to be some sort of rivalry between them. Jennifer couldn't help but wonder if she really was the reason for that. Did Rodney know about Ronon's feelings for her, too?

If he did, it would explain why he always seemed to be so jealous of the Satedan. It also meant that things were even more complicated. If Rodney knew that Ronon had feelings for her and that she wanted to act on her newly discovered feelings…

"Ronon informed me of the incident in the infirmary," Teyla began, causing Jennifer's eyes to widen. "I think he wanted my advice," Teyla told her with a smile. "He wasn't sure if he should ask you out."

He had thought about asking her out? What had stopped him?

"But apparently Rodney told him that he was interested in you as well," Teyla continued. "I suppose Ronon thought he was the better man for you."

Jennifer looked at her in disbelief. "He thought Rodney was the better man?"

Teyla smiled at her. "Rodney and you have a lot more in common. Ronon thought he wasn't intelligent enough for you."

"And he… told you all that?" Jennifer whispered.

Teyla chuckled. "Well, most of it. The rest I deduced on my own."

Taking a deep breath, Jennifer tried to process what she had just heard. Could it be true? Was Ronon really interested in her?

"So… what do I do now?" Jennifer whispered.

"I can't answer that question for you," Teyla replied, gently putting her hand on the other woman's arm. "It is your decision."

Jennifer sighed. "I honestly don't know what to do. I mean, it's… it's not fair."

"Maybe you should listen to your heart instead of your head," the older woman advised softly.

Jennifer looked at her helplessly. She wasn't sure she was able to do that.

"Did you want to kiss him?" Teyla asked all of a sudden.

Blinking at her, Jennifer nodded.

"Why?" Teyla pressed her.

"I… um… what?" she stumbled.

Smiling, Teyla repeated, "Why did you want to kiss him? Was it just the situation?"

Jennifer remembered the butterflies in her stomach when Ronon had moved closer to her. The warmth radiating from his body had been soothing and tempting, so she had leaned in to enjoy his presence, his closeness.

When he'd leaned in to kiss her, her heart had been pounding like mad. She couldn't deny it. She had wanted to kiss him, because she liked him, and because she was very much attracted to him.

"If you answer that question, it might help you decide what to do," Teyla told her.

Jennifer sighed once more. "But… Rodney…"

"Jennifer, you can't suit both of them," Teyla softly explained. "Eventually, you will have to make a decision. You have to think of yourself as well."

Jennifer nodded sadly. She had to break either Rodney's or Ronon's heart. Damn, things had been so much easier when she'd thought Ronon wasn't interested in her.

"Try to rest a little," Teyla advised and got up. "Maybe you will see things clearer tomorrow."

Jennifer gave her the best smile she could manage. She wasn't so sure sleeping would really help her. She needed to figure out what to do. She needed to talk to Rodney and to Ronon.

But first, she needed to figure out what she wanted. Well, she already knew what she wanted. She wanted someone to share her life with; someone who listened when she needed to talk; someone who was there when she needed company and comfort.

She had thought Rodney could be that man. But obviously, he couldn't. He hadn't been there when she'd needed him the most. And instead of trying to understand, he had started a fight with her about Ronon; in the worst of all situations.

Teyla was right. Ronon had turned out to be everything Rodney should have been. And Jennifer had fallen for him. And it hadn't just been the situation or her vulnerability after her father's death.

She couldn't deny it. She'd had feelings for the Satedan ever since they'd been locked up together in the infirmary. But she had told herself that it wasn't possible, that Ronon wasn't the kind of guy who fell for someone like her; that he wasn't the kind of guy she should fall for.

Rodney, even if he didn't always strike the right chord, was the kind of guy you would introduce to your family, wasn't he? He had so much more in common with her. He could understand when she talked about work.

But what was it good for if he never really listened?

Sighing once more, Jennifer got up from her bed. It was pointless sitting around in her room mulling over what she should do next. She needed to talk to Ronon. She needed to find out if he really shared her feelings.

Maybe she should talk to Rodney first. Tell him that there wasn't a future for them since he wasn't able to be there for her when she needed him. She was certain he would try to talk her out of it. And she didn't want to hurt him…

No, she should talk to Ronon first. If she was sure about his feelings, maybe then she could admit to herself that she really was in love with him.

She had broken up with Rodney, after all. There was no need to talk to him first. She'd already made her decision about that.

Nodding to herself, she took a deep breath and opened her door to head for Ronon's room, but an unexpected visitor blocked her way.

Jennifer took a step backwards and blinked at the person in front of her.

Rodney gave her an insecure smile. "May I come in? I think we need to talk."


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: **Where were you – part 6

**Pairing:** Rodney/Keller, Ronon/Keller, kind of both, but… well, there can be only one

**Rating:** T

**Disclaimer:** Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to FOX. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.

**Summary:** She'd made her decision for a very good reason – at least that was what she'd told herself. But suddenly, she realized that maybe she had been wrong.

**Warnings:** some angst and hurt/comfort, not beta-read

**AN:**_ I know, I wanted to try and post sooner – and I did try, I promise. I'll keep trying. ;) Hope you enjoy this chapter._

Jennifer stared at him for a few seconds before reluctantly stepping aside and letting him in.

"You know, I… I'm really sorry for what I said yesterday," he began, obviously unsure of what to say to appropriately apologize. He wasn't good at this. And he definitely wasn't used to apologizing.

Jennifer crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked at him expectantly. Rodney most likely wanted her to say that it was okay, but in truth, it wasn't. And it wasn't just about what he had said the day before.

"Well, I… I know I didn't have the right to… be mad at you for taking Ronon with you to earth," he continued. He definitely hadn't thought about what to say farther than his initial apology.

Jennifer sighed. This was going to end in another fight.

"But I was just… jealous, you know. I thought that we were…"

"Rodney," she interrupted a little harshly. "Why exactly are you here?"

He blinked at her for a second. "Pardon?"

"Well if you're here to apologize…really apologize, go ahead," she explained. "But if you're only here to justify your behavior, I really don't want to hear it."

"I'm not…I…" he started.

"I did not _take_ Ronon with me," she corrected him. "He went with me because _you_ just couldn't spare the time to do so, even though Ronon told you to go."

Rodney raised an eyebrow at her.

"And no, _he_ didn't tell me," she quickly added. "Teyla did."

Rodney opened his mouth to say something, but then obviously considered it wiser to remain quiet. Silence then filled Jennifer's quarters for quite a while.

Finally, Rodney dared to speak again. "I know I should have been there for you," he mumbled.

Jennifer frowned at him. She waited for a 'but' or any kind of explanation why he couldn't have been there. But he didn't add anything.

"I really needed you, you know," she admitted quietly. "My father was the only family I had left and he was taken from me at the blink of an eye and I really had no idea how to deal with that; especially not on my own."

"I know," Rodney said contritely.

"I believe that you do," she whispered. "You do now. But as much as I hate to say that, I'm afraid it's too late."

The corner of his mouth turned upwards in a sad smile as he looked at her. "Yeah, I know that, too," he told her.

Jennifer frowned again. If he wasn't really here to apologize and try to win her back and fix their relationship, then why had he come here?

"I just wanted to let you know that I… I understand now," he continued, answering her unspoken question. "I know I couldn't be the man you deserved. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm not sure I ever could be."

Suddenly, Jennifer's anger over Rodney's indifference was gone. Now she just felt sorry for him. "You're not that bad, Rodney," she whispered.

"Yes, I am," he objected. "But thanks for pretending I wasn't. I was a jerk, especially after you returned. I didn't take a single second to think about what losing your father might mean to you."

It was true. And as much as she would have liked to object, she wouldn't do it just to make him feel better.

"And I didn't think of your feelings when I confronted you for going to earth with Ronon after you had just lost your patients," he added. He didn't like to admit it, but he couldn't even remember how many people had died in the infirmary that day. Had he really cared so little?

"I know if I had done the right thing and gone with you to your father's funeral, Ronon wouldn't have had to accompany you in my place," he continued. "I should have been there, and there's no excuse why I wasn't."

Jennifer just nodded, afraid that if she opened her mouth she would object and make Rodney feel like he hadn't hurt her as much as he had.

"I'm sorry I hurt you so much," he finally finished. "I swear I never wanted to."

"I know," Jennifer assured him.

Rodney just nodded, realizing that it was truly over and that there was no turning back. He had overstepped his limits and hurt her too much for her to just accept his apology and continue as if nothing had ever happened.

For a long time, neither of them said a word. And while she was still wavering on whether she should forgive Rodney or not, she knew she just couldn't go on after what had happened. She couldn't be happy with Rodney no matter how hard they both tried.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled once more, before rushing out of her apartment.

For a second, she thought about following him, but her feet simply refused to move.

What had she been about to do before she found Rodney standing in front of her door?

Ronon! Right, she still needed to talk to him, but definitely not right now while she was much too agitated to think straight. She might make a decision she would regret later.

Or more likely, she wouldn't be able to make a decision at all.

What if she was wrong again? What if Ronon wasn't the right guy, either? What if there simply was no right guy for her?

Maybe she should just stay on her own for the rest of her life. It would be much less complicated.

Sighing, she decided to listen to Angela and stay in bed for the rest of the day. At least this way she had an excuse for avoiding the whole city, since she didn't feel like seeing anyone at the moment.

Jennifer didn't find much sleep that night. There was too much on her mind she had to deal with.

Finally acknowledging that sleep would not find her, she decided to sit down and write the letters to the families of the soldiers she had lost that day.

She spent the whole night trying to determine the best way to explain to the families what had happened and to express how sorry she was for their loss. But no matter what she wrote, it always came up short.

And even though she understood all too well what they were going through and truly felt sorry for their losses, it simply seemed impossible for her to find the right words to convey her thoughts.

But maybe Ronon was right. Maybe what she wrote didn't matter as much as the simple act of writing to the families herself, showing how much she truly cared.

_Ronon…_

Jennifer took a deep breath. Tomorrow…taking a look at her clock, she sighed…today, she corrected herself. Today she would have to talk to him. She couldn't procrastinate any longer.

Once she had finished writing the four letters and saw that she only had one hour before her shift started, she realized there was no point in trying to go back to bed. So she took a long shower and ate what was left from the day before, since she wasn't too fond of having breakfast in the cafeteria.

"Remember that you already made your decision," she told herself, looking at her reflection in the mirror.

Taking another deep breath, she left her quarters, heading for the infirmary, surprised that she didn't meet anyone on the way. It almost seemed like the whole city of Atlantis was still sleeping.

"Hey Jen, are you okay?" Angela asked concerned when her friend entered the infirmary.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she assured her. "I took the day off and rested. I guess I was just overworked."

Angela eyed her suspiciously. "You don't look rested."

"I didn't sleep very well," she admitted, making the other woman giggle. "It's not what you think."

"What a pity," Angela sighed theatrically.

Rolling her eyes, Jennifer decided to set herself to work. She really wasn't in the mood to discuss her relationship with Ronon right now, not being sure what their relationship was at the moment herself.

As it ended up, she didn't see him once that day, which was strange. He wasn't in the cafeteria with the others at lunch or on the bridge when she handed in her reports and the letters to the families of the fallen soldiers.

He really seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth…or Atlantis in this case.

Jennifer didn't pay too much attention to it, until four days later when there was still no sign of him. Had he left for a secret mission or something? Jennifer couldn't remember the alert signaling a wormhole having gone off lately…

Or maybe he had left with a jumper or on one of the ships the SGC had sent them.

He couldn't be avoiding her, could he?

Well he had to have heard about her and Rodney breaking up, and it didn't take a genius to figure out that it had partly been because of him.

Maybe he wanted to give her time to sort things out with Rodney. Maybe he had just withdrawn so he wouldn't interfere any longer.

Or maybe he really didn't want to see her anymore…

It was pointless racking her brain about it, so she decided she would ask him once he crossed her path again; which in a place like Atlantis would happen eventually.

Of course, she would never have guessed the real reason for Ronon staying out of the picture for a couple of days, if not for the chime at her door, six days after her collapse on the stage.

Having recently spent almost twenty four hours on another planet, helping the locals with a minor disease however, she really wasn't in the mood to see visitors, which was why she opened her door reluctantly, silently mourning the shower she had been about to take.

Surprised didn't even begin to describe how she felt when she found Ronon standing in front of her.

"Hey," he greeted, making her frown. Was it just her or did he seem nervous?

"Hey," she replied, stepping aside so that he could enter.

"I… um… got something for you," he told her, handing her a small wooden item, the size of a book.

"Thanks," she mumbled, carefully taking the present from him. "What…what is it?"

"It's a shrine… sort of," he replied. "My people used them to keep stuff from loved once we lost, usually something they possessed, or a hair…"

Inspecting it, Jennifer discovered a clasp on its right and carefully pulled it open.

She found what looked like the cover of a book. It was slim, small enough to fit in the inner pocket of her jacket and completely made of wood with ornate handmade carvings. But what touched her the most was that it contained two pictures of her father.

She looked at Ronon completely speechless, wiping a tear from her face.

"I took them from the album you were looking at back at your father's house," he explained. "Hope you don't mind."

"Thank you," she sniffled. "This…is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me."

He opened his mouth to say something in return, but was instead stunned when she suddenly threw her arms around his neck.


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: **Where were you – Chapter 7

**Pairing:** Rodney/Keller, Ronon/Keller, kind of both, but… well, there can be only one

**Rating:** T

**Disclaimer:** Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to FOX. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.

**Summary:** She'd made her decision for a very good reason – at least that was what she'd told herself. But suddenly, she realized that maybe she had been wrong.

**Warnings:** some angst and hurt/comfort, not beta-read

**AN:**_ I'm sorry it took me so long again. I don't know what I already told you about my current situation and I don't want to repeat myself, but here's what kept me from writing for so long:_

_In January, my dad was diagnosed with lymph node cancer and no one knew how bad it really was until in April, he suddenly needed to get surgery. He died a week later, presumably of a pulmonary embolism or a heart attack. We don't know for sure and it doesn't change anything._

_Only a few months later, in August, I lost my job. It was okay, because I already had a new one. The problem is that I really don't like it. It was even making me sick._

_With that situation I just couldn't get myself to write anything. I guess I was pretty damn close to a depression until I got really sick myself. I had a severe bronchitis and needed medication which I didn't tolerate too well. My mom wanted to take me to the hospital, because she really thought I was going to die._

_Stuff like that makes you think, I guess. I realized that instead of mourning over the job, I just need to keep looking for a new one – and that having something to help me escape again might do me good as well. So here I am, trying to get back to writing after such a long time._

_Hope you enjoy the chapter._

Ronon stood dead still for a few seconds, unsure of the proper reaction to the situation. Eventually though, he decided that it would be appropriate to hug her back.

Jennifer's heartbeat began to speed up as his arms encircled her waist and pulled her closer to him. Either she hadn't realized it until that moment, or hadn't allowed herself to, but it felt incredibly good to be so close to him.

But realizing that yet once again, she was reading way too much into the situation, and that she had yet to talk to him to find out where they stood, she broke the embrace, albeit a bit too abruptly.

"I…um…you're welcome," Ronon muttered uncomfortably, hesitant of what to say.

Maybe coming here hadn't been a very good idea. He could have left his gift at her door. If it hadn't been for Teyla and John, he would have done exactly that.

Why did they have to tell him about Jennifer breaking up with Rodney at all? It wasn't like it was any of his business. Not that he didn't care, but…what did it change, anyway? Did it change anything? Teyla had told him that Jennifer might be interested in him. But maybe that wasn't true. What did she know, anyway? On the other hand, Jennifer might have told her. They were friends after all. Girls talked about stuff like that, right? He had told Teyla…

"Ronon?" her soft voice interrupted his thoughts.

He cleared his throat, "Yeah?"

"I just… I was just about to make coffee. Would you like some?" she offered.

He knew, he shouldn't accept. He should tell her that he had something important to do and run before anyone got hurt; like he usually did. But he felt himself agreeing nonetheless.

What was he doing? What was he thinking? Hell, he didn't even drink coffee. But maybe he'd find that he liked coffee…and that maybe there could actually be a future for him and Jennifer.

'_Just tell her the truth'_,Teyla's voice whispered in his head.

Yeah, that was easier said than done.

A somewhat awkward silence descended between them as they sat down at her table. After making the shrine for her and her hugging him in gratitude, one would expect the situation to be…easier. He had held her for three nights straight, sharing a bed with her, and now he couldn't get a single word out. He simply had no idea how to start a conversation like that. '_So, I heard you and Rodney finally broke up'_, just didn't seem like the right thing to say. But somehow he couldn't come up with anything else. How was he supposed to be honest, when all he really wanted to tell her, was that he was glad Rodney was finally out of the way?

"So…where did you learn how to do that?" Jennifer asked, finally breaking the silence. "How to carve, I mean."

"My dad showed me," he replied. "When I was a kid, he used to carve toys for us, my brothers and me. We had wooden swords and little puppets that looked like animals."

"Did you have a lot of siblings?" she asked, sipping her coffee.

"I don't know," he replied with a shrug, taking a sip of his own coffee, finding it bitter, but tasty. He could probably get used to it. "I mean, for a human I probably had a big family, but for a Satedan…rather small, I guess. I had three brothers and a sister."

"Only one girl," Jennifer remarked with a smile. "She must have had a rough childhood."

"Not because of us," Ronon assured her. "We would have died for her right from the start. She was the oldest, and after the Wraith took our mother during one of their feedings, she…kind of took over the role in many ways."

"You know, you can add milk or sugar if you don't like it that way," she suddenly said.

Ronon turned his head to raise an eyebrow at her.

"Your coffee," Jennifer specified. "This is the first time you've had it, right?"

"Yeah," he admitted. "Sheppard's made me try beer, wine and something he called Whiskey, but never coffee."

"I like mine with milk," she told him, holding her cup out to him. "It's not as bitter that way. Try it."

Reluctantly, he took the cup from her and took a sip. It felt…unusually intimate to drink from her cup, but he had to admit he liked the bitter drink better with milk, so he added some to his own after handing hers back to her.

"How old were you when you lost your mom?" she asked, returning to their original topic, "If you don't mind me asking."

"No, it's okay," he assured her. "We measured age a little differently than you do, but I guess in human age I must have been around ten or eleven."

She nodded as a serious expression crossed her face and her eyes became distant, as if she were a million miles away. "I was eight when my mom died," she told him. "She had a special form of cancer that had no treatment. The doctors gave her three months when she was diagnosed with it. I was two then. She managed to survive almost six years though, before the disease won."

"She must have been some hell of a fighter," Ronon remarked.

"She was," Jennifer whispered. "She fought till the very last."

"Was that why you decided to become a doctor?"

Jennifer nodded. "Well, not at first. I took it really hard and…my dad was overwhelmed. He was hardly able to deal with his own feelings, but with an eight-year-old girl who suddenly locked herself in her room and hated the whole world and everyone in it… I just didn't know how to handle the pain, you know?"

"What changed?" he asked.

"Her doctor, the one who had been with her through it all, came by one day to see me," she explained. "I yelled at her, told her I thought that it was all her fault."

"You needed someone to blame for your mother's death," he said. "I understand. I was luckier, though. I had the Wraith to blame."

She smiled sadly. "Well, she basically said the same, minus the Wraith, of course. But she told me that she understood my anger. And for the first time, someone sat down with me and really explained to me what my mom had, and why she died. That was when I decided I wanted to be like her; a doctor. I wanted to find a cure for that; which of course was ridiculous, as I had to learn."

"But you save people every day," Ronon objected. "Your mom would be proud of you."

She smiled. "And your family…" Jennifer started reluctantly. "Are you certain they're all dead?"

"Yeah," he affirmed quietly. "I watched most of them die."

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"It's okay," he told her. "For the first time I feel like I've found some sort of a new family."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," she mumbled, drawing her eyes from him when the urge to touch him suddenly overwhelmed her. "It's easier if you're not alone."

"I'm sorry Rodney wasn't sympathetic enough to go with you," he suddenly said before he even thought about his words.

"Well, I should have known, I guess," Jennifer replied with a shrug. "A leopard can't change its spots."

"What's a leopard?"

She looked up at him, puzzled for a second, before replying, "It's an animal that… never mind. I'm sorry; I tend to forget that you're not from earth."

He couldn't help but smile at that. Even though he was proud of his origin, it felt like a compliment.

"It's just a saying that means we can't change who we are," she explained.

"I see," he mumbled, emptying his cup. "Are there still leopards on earth?"

"Yeah, we have them in zoos, but there're some left in the African wilds as well, I believe."

"Then you can show me one when we visit earth next time," he suggested.

Jennifer had to giggle at that. She just couldn't imagine taking Ronon to the zoo.

"What?"

"Sorry, it's just that…well, you certainly wouldn't like our concept of zoos," she told him. "You know, even though they have improved over the past century, it's still…basically locking them up."

"Why do people lock animals up?" he asked.

Jennifer sighed, "Because unfortunately, animals are much safer in cages being cared for, than they are in the wild. There're just too many people on earth who like to kill for fun."

"Yeah, some humans are a lot like Wraith," he mumbled. "I'm glad most of you guys are different. I can't imagine killing for fun. Not even Wraith."

This time, it was Jennifer who raised an eyebrow at him.

"It's true, I like killing Wraith," he said with a shrug. "But not without a fight. I would never kill anyone or anything that couldn't defend itself."

"I'm sorry," Jennifer suddenly mumbled. "I really misjudged you."

He frowned at that. "How so?"

She took a deep breath, looking down. "I really thought you solved all your problems with a gun," she murmured, suddenly feeling terribly embarrassed.

"I used to," he admitted with a shrug. "It was the fastest way to survive. But shooting the drive after the Wraith had taken over the _Daedalus_ was stupid, I know that."

"Not stupid," Jennifer objected, "maybe…ill advised."

Ronon smirked at her. "It almost got us killed," he reminded her. "So I guess it was downright stupid."

"Well, you obviously weren't thinking ahead when you did it," she muttered.

Ronon took a deep breath. It was now or never. This was his chance to take the conversation into the direction he wanted it to go. But did he really want to go down that road?

'_She really likes you'_, he heard Teyla's voice again. '_Show her what kind of man you can be.'_

He sighed. Why had he asked her for advice anyway? Well, because he'd known she wouldn't sugar coat it and would tell him the truth, instead of what he wanted to hear. He had asked for her advice, so he might as well take it.

"Was that why you told me you weren't interested?" he finally asked.

Jennifer's eyes widened. This certainly took the conversation to a whole new level; one she had never expected Ronon to take it to.

She opened and closed her mouth, unsure of how to reply, before finally answering, "Well, I… it was when I started thinking that you…solved all your problems with your gun," she admitted. "And I…was wondering if I really wanted to be involved with…someone like you."

"A killer?" he offered.

"What? No," she hurried to assure him. "A…soldier, I guess fits best. You know, someone who's constantly in danger, shoots before thinking about it and…well…doesn't even seem to fear death."

He frowned, but nodded nonetheless. He could understand why she wouldn't want to be with someone like him. He was good at shooting and killing, as well as pushing people away. What he wasn't good at was talking, feelings and letting people in. Certainly not the kind of guy a woman wanted to be with.

"But you showed me that there's another side of you," she added in a soft voice. "A side that cares enough about me to even try and reason with Rodney."

He raised an eyebrow at her, but then nodded. "Teyla told you."

"Yeah, and I'm glad she did," she continued. "I… it helped me understand that Rodney not accompanying me wasn't only because I told him not to. He just couldn't understand, maybe he didn't even try. I guess that doesn't matter much anymore though."

She looked at him again and her heart started pounding like mad, knowing she was about to talk herself into trouble. "But you cared," she whispered. "You cared even though I had pushed you away."

He smirked again, this time not daring to look at her. "I always cared about you."

"So…when you said…you weren't interested…" she started.

"It was a lie," he admitted. "I knew Rodney was interested in you too, and…well, I thought he'd be a better match."

"Seems like we were both wrong," she whispered in reply.

Ronon turned to look at her.

Jennifer swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat, realizing that he probably expected her to say something, or admit her feelings for him. On the other hand, he had yet to admit any feelings for her. Well, he'd revealed that he had lied when he'd said he wasn't interested. That certainly meant…

Unable to think straight, she began to babble. "You know, I've always wondered how things would have turned out if we hadn't been interrupted when we were in the infirmary. I mean… I always asked myself whether it was just the situation; the prospect of dying in there, that made us want to kiss each other, or if there really was something between us. And after you took such good care of me, I realized that…it was a mistake to tell you I wasn't interested, because I was…am, I mean. You know, I just… it felt so good to be close to you and have you hold me, but… it also felt wrong, because I was still with Rodney. But now I'm not and…"

Not really knowing what else to do, only what he felt he had to, Ronon chose that moment to stop the flood of words coming out of her mouth by pressing his lips against hers.


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: **Where were you Chapter 8

**Pairing:** Rodney/Keller, Ronon/Keller, kind of both, but… well, there can be only one

**Rating:** T

**Disclaimer:** Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to FOX. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.

**Summary:** She'd made her decision for a very good reason – at least that was what she'd told herself. But suddenly, she realized that maybe she had been wrong.

**Warnings:** some fluff, because it was about time ;)

**AN:**_ A big thanks to my wonderful beta-reader __mfaerie32. I would totally screw up without her._

_Apart from that, it looks like I'm getting better that is quicker in updating. Go me!_

Jennifer's heart skipped a beat as his lips suddenly crashed down on hers. It wasn't exactly how she'd pictured their first kiss to be, in fact, she wasn't even sure she should let it happen. It had only been four days since she'd broken up with Rodney. It wasn't fair to him to be kissing Ronon at the moment…was it?

On the other hand, Ronon had been one of the reasons she'd broken up with Rodney in the first place, and the scientist knew it. Besides, it wasn't like Rodney and she had been seeing each other for long, it had only been a few months, so…

'_Jennifer, would you for once in your life stop thinking and just enjoy this!' _her mind screamed.

When she felt his tongue beg for entrance, she eagerly parted her lips and then groaned at the skill he possessed. He tasted of coffee and smelled of guns, which was an odd combination, but at the same time so very sexy.

To him, her taste was sweet, like honey, which only made him want more, resulting in him unconsciously sliding his hands to her back to pull her closer and deepen the kiss. This of course allowed his body to gain more contact with hers, explaining the unrepressed low growl that escaped his throat.

Until recently, he had spent years building walls around his emotions and heart, determined not to let anyone breach them for fear of being hurt again. But ever since they had been trapped in the infirmary, he had wondered what might have been if they had not been interrupted.

It had been a long time since he'd last kissed a woman like this. The moment his lips met hers, all other worries disappeared from his mind. And now that he knew what he had been missing, he couldn't help but feel remorse for the months they'd lost. If only he had dared telling her the truth right away.

He now knew that it had been the right choice to give her the present in person. Even the decision to finally open up to her had simply felt…right.

Jennifer knew that this was the best kiss she'd ever had, and mentally cursed the missed opportunity from that day in the infirmary. She began to feel dizzy from how warm and strong and…perfect he felt. Jennifer couldn't help but feel that kissing him, being in that moment with him; was exactly where she was meant to be.

When the world stopped revolving, well stopped revolving around everything except for the tall Satedan that was currently kissing her senseless, they broke apart for air, both panting heavily.

"Wow," Jennifer whispered, leaning her forehead against his.

"Yeah," Ronon agreed, his hand still resting on her neck as he kissed her forehead.

"That was definitely the best first kiss I have ever had," she whispered, afraid of speaking too loud and ruining the moment. "Actually, I think it was the best kiss in general I've ever had."

"I know what you mean," he said with a chuckle. "We should have done that sooner."

She couldn't help but smile. "I hope I won't have to wait another six months for your next attempt to kiss me then," she murmured.

Ronon chuckled, placing a finger under her chin. "No, definitely not," he whispered, before capturing her lips once again.

This time, the kiss was softer, slower, but no less perfect. Jennifer felt the butterflies multiply in her stomach, and couldn't help but wonder where this was leading.

"You know what's sad about all this, though," she whispered. "That it took such a tragedy for me to finally see what kind of man you really are."

"I wish I'd never told you I wasn't interested," he admitted.

"Me, too," she simply replied.

"Yet here we are," he told her, smirking. "This has to mean something, don't you think?"

"Like we were always meant to be?" she offered.

"Yeah," he nodded, pulling her closer. "Looks like the universe had a plan for us after all."

For a moment, they both remained silent, as Jennifer burrowed her face into his chest, enjoying the closeness of being wrapped in his arms, and finally not feeling guilty about it. She hoped that he was right, and that they really were meant to be, because she knew she wanted this to last.

"You know, on a planet not far from here, there's this nice, cozy restaurant, and I've heard they serve the best food in the whole galaxy," Ronon's deep voice interrupted the silence. "Do you have plans for tomorrow?"

Jennifer raised her head to grin at him. "Are you asking me out?"

He nodded and then smirked. "I figured it would be safe to ask after a kiss like that."

Giggling, Jennifer snuggled up against him again. "True. I'd love to go out with you," she replied. "But I hope there's no dress code, because I fear my wardrobe is lacking for such an occasion."

"We could go to the market beforehand," he suggested. "I could pick out something for you again."

She opened her mouth to decline, but reconsidered. She had to admit that she would like to have him pick out something for her again, and wondered briefly if that was odd.

She tried to repress a yawn, but the day had been too long, and as much as she wanted to spend the rest of the night cuddled with Ronon, kissing him more, she didn't think she could stay awake much longer.

"I should probably go," he offered, not moving a single inch. "I'll pick you up tomorrow after work."

"You know, you could…stay here," she mumbled not daring to meet his eyes.

Ronon frowned, not sure what she might be implying. "Are you sure you…want this?"

"No, I…I didn't mean…I meant we don't have to…" she stuttered, wondering how he could always make her trip over words. "You could just…stay, you know. I mean, it's not like we haven't shared a bed before. I just…don't want you to go."

"I understand," he said with a smile, kissing the top of her head. "I'll get us something for dinner."

"That sounds great," she replied, reluctantly pulling away from his arms. "I'll take a shower in the meantime."

Nodding, Ronon left her room.

Fortunately, he always ate for three people, so no one cared about his overloaded tray. Unfortunately, he passed John and Teyla on his way back out of the cafeteria.

"Hey, man, how's it going?" John asked, silently offering Ronon the seat next to him.

"Um…good," he replied, not sure how to tell them that he had different plans, without telling them what those plans might be.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" John frowned at him. "Take a seat already."

"I…um…you know, not today," he simply said, turning to leave.

"Aw, don't tell me a certain doctor is keeping you from having dinner with us," John teased with a chuckle.

Ronon grumbled. Usually, he would have just walked away, pretending he hadn't heard him. But he didn't want Jennifer to be the subject of the latest Atlantis gossip; not in her current situation, anyway.

So he turned around, smirking. "Just didn't want to interrupt anything is all," he replied, nodding his head in Teyla's direction, and then disappearing before John could say anything in return.

"Do you think he's spending the evening with Jennifer?" John asked Teyla, stunned by Ronon's unexpected answer.

"I think it is none of our business," Teyla answered with a smile, before taking another bite of her meal.

John sighed. It was too bad. Not that he was actually interested in anyone's sex life here on Atlantis. But Ronon and Keller were simply made for each other. Even he could see that.

"They will figure it out, eventually," Teyla interrupted his thoughts. "Trust me. If the universe wants them to be together, they will be together."

John frowned. "I've seen too many people end up with the wrong guy or girl to really believe that."

"Are any of them still together?" Teyla asked.

John looked at her. "I don't…no, I don't think so."

Smiling, Teyla put a hand on his arm. "See, that is what I mean."

John opened his mouth to object, but had to silently admit that he honestly couldn't think of a response. "I really hope you're right, you know," he finally whispered, smiling back at her.

Feeling his implication hit a bit too close to home, Teyla quickly broke the contact between them.

John cleared his throat. "I just think they're meant for each other," he mumbled, picking at his own meal. "So I think they should be together."

"Now that they have acknowledged their feelings, I believe there is a high possibility that they will be," she replied, causing him to grin.

His expression became serious again though, as his eyes fell upon the person who had just gotten his dinner. "And there's our next problem," he mumbled.

Teyla raised an eyebrow at this, before following his gaze and sighing. Getting Ronon and Jennifer to finally admit their feelings for each other had been one thing. Helping Rodney deal with the new situation might be too much even for her.

Rodney was scanning the room for a possible seat when he saw John and Teyla sitting in a corner near the exit. He considered pretending he hadn't seen them, but then straightened and walked over to their table. He couldn't avoid everyone forever; at least not if he wanted to keep working here.

"Hey," he greeted somewhat insecurely.

"Hey, Rodney," John greeted back. "Take a seat."

He mumbled a thanks and sat down opposite of his two teammates.

For a long moment, nothing but silence surrounded the table, until finally Teyla began to speak. "How is that new software working out for you, Rodney?"

"It works," was all he replied.

John and Teyla exchanged a look.

"Come on, is that all you have to say about it?" John prodded.

He shrugged. "Yeah."

John shook his head. "How long are you going to be monosyllabic? It's… just not you."

Rodney sighed. "I just can't believe I screwed up…again," he finally said. To be honest, he hadn't wanted to talk to anyone about him and Jen; least of all to John Sheppard, but he had to admit that he really could use some advice.

"You know, sometimes it just…doesn't fit," John offered. "And you…have to learn to let it go."

"What would you know about it?" Rodney grumbled.

John shrugged. "I wasn't the one filing for the divorce."

Rodney opened his mouth, but closed it again. "Do you still talk to her?"

"Nah," John grimaced. "I avoided her after that." Seeing Rodney's reaction, he quickly added, "But the divorce was nasty and she's a real pain in the ass."

Rodney just nodded.

Sighing, Teyla decided that maybe it was time to try and reason with Rodney.

"You know, it was not easy for Jennifer to make this decision," Teyla explained to him. "But…recent events made her realize that…she's interested in someone else."

"You mean the fact that I haven't been there for her when I should have been," Rodney said with a snort. "I get that, okay? I just…can't help asking myself if she's been…interested in…that someone else right from the beginning, you know?"

"Does it really matter?" Teyla asked with a warm smile. "Even if she had been interested in Ronon already, she had chosen you."

"Yeah, it just didn't work out," John added, giving the other man an encouraging smile.

"Because I couldn't make it work," he said with a sigh. "I was just…wondering if…well, if she would have given me another chance if not for Ronon?"

"Maybe you guys just weren't…meant to be," John offered. "And if that's the case, there's nothing you can do about it, I guess."

"Yeah, but…what do I do now?" Rodney mumbled.

John sighed. He obviously didn't get the point. "Rodney, there's nothing…"

Teyla interrupted him by putting a hand on his arm again. "Rodney, you can't avoid Jennifer or Ronon forever," she said calmly. "So I guess you will have to find a way to…get along with them despite…all this."

"Maybe I shouldn't go on any missions for the time being," he suggested, looking expectantly at John.

Sheppard shrugged. "If you're asking for some time off, that's fine with me. But Teyla's right, you can't avoid them both forever."

"I know," Rodney sighed. "And I know it was entirely my fault, but I can't help but feel…"

"Disappointed?" John offered.

"No, not really," he mumbled. "I guess…piqued was the word I was looking for."

Teyla raised an eyebrow at John.

He just shook his head, telling her she shouldn't ask about his choice of words.

Rodney shoved a spoonful of Jell-O into his mouth and then muttered, "I mean seriously, of all people…Ronon? Sure, he's good looking, but…does she really think he can hold a candle to me?"

John grinned at that. "Don't worry, Rodney, you'll get over it."


	9. Chapter 9

**Title: **Where Were You Chapter 9

**Pairing:** Rodney/Keller, Ronon/Keller, kind of both, but… well, there can be only one

**Rating:** T

**Disclaimer:** Neither the show nor the characters belong to me, they belong to FOX. Nonetheless, I love to borrow them from time to time.

**Summary:** She'd made her decision for a very good reason – at least that was what she'd told herself. But suddenly, she realized that maybe she had been wrong.

**Warnings:** some fluff, because it was about time ;)

**AN:**_ I know it's been a long time again. I just wasn't in the mood to write and when I was, my muse wasn't in the mood to inspire me. But here we finally go again! Thanks so much to my wonderful beta-reader _mfaerie32 _for the fabulous work she has done._

_Hope you'll enjoy this chapter!_

"Are you sure about this?" Jennifer mumbled, trying to examine herself. An act that she was finding difficult, as these people didn't seem to know how useful a mirror could be.

Ronon had picked a plain, but very figure-hugging, long brown dress; which was a little too low-cut for her liking.

"Perfect," was all Ronon replied. But it sounded so honest, that Jennifer believed him.

"Okay, then," she said and gave him a smile. "I'm going to trust that you think I'm dressed for the occasion."

He smirked at her. "You should always trust me."

She opened her mouth to say something in return, but reconsidered and instead smiled at him. "And since I'm also not familiar with the regional fare, I'm going to have to trust you with my dinner choice as well."

The smile on his face became somehow mischievous as he led her out of the small clothing store.

"So…you've been here before?" Jennifer asked while they walked down the narrow street towards the restaurant.

She was surprised how much this place resembled Earth. The small houses and the surfaced roads all reminded her of the small towns on her home planet.

"Couple of times," Ronon answered.

"Have you been to the restaurant before?" she questioned.

Ronon shook his head. "I mostly came here for trading, but I heard people talk about it and always thought I wanted to try it myself sometime."

Jennifer turned her head to smile at him. She felt honored to be the first that would accompany him there.

"So…what kind of stuff did you trade here?"

"Mostly weapons," Ronon answered, much to her surprise. Seeing the questioning look on her face, he explained. "There's a market not far from here. You can get pretty much everything there – as long as you have something they want. That's basically how they were able to build this village."

"I see," Jennifer mumbled. If he came here to trade whatever he could offer for weapons, it must have been during his time as a runner – and she knew he didn't like to talk about that time, so she decided to let it go.

The restaurant was cozy, but Jennifer quickly realized that she would have to rely on what Ronon chose for her, because she wasn't even able to read the menu.

"This almost looks like Egyptian hieroglyphs," she mumbled, looking at the strange signs on the paper they had handed her.

Ronon chuckled. "And this is the interplanetary menu."

"Seriously, I have to learn read this sometime," Jennifer told him with a sigh. "So…anything you can recommend?"

"Sure," he said, putting the menu down and grinning at her. "You'll have to trust me though."

She opened her mouth to reply, but was interrupted when someone next to her suddenly mumbled something she couldn't quite understand. At first she thought it was one of the waiters, but the expression on Ronon's face told her that the words spoken had either been insulting or lewd. Either way this certainly wasn't going to end well.

"Leave her alone," Ronon grumbled.

"Oh, sorry," the man replied with a leering grin. "But I'm sure we can find something worthy of trading for the young lady." He turned to Jennifer. "What do you think? Why don't you blow this blighter off and we go have some fun?"

"I'm flattered, really," Jennifer answered, trying to sound polite, but definite. "But I'm afraid I have to decline."

"Come on man," the man insisted, leaning down to put an arm around her shoulders. "I'm sure I can offer something worth a pretty girl like her."

Ronon jumped up from his seat, knocking over the chair in the process.

"Don't," Jennifer hurried to keep him from launching at the other man and starting a fist fight.

"Is there a problem, sir?" one of the waiters asked, glancing firmly at the man who had started the altercation, and then at Ronon.

"It's alright," the other man said, raising his hands defensively and stepping backwards. "Didn't mean to piss you off."

Ronon glared at him until he had left before sitting back down at the table. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.

Jennifer smiled at him. "This wasn't your fault. Let's just forget about him."

He sighed, and then nodded. The man wasn't worth it.

An uncomfortable silence slowly built between them, only to be interrupted when the waiter brought what Ronon had ordered.

"You were right," Jennifer said once she had taken a bite. "This is delicious. Even though I can't determine whether this used to be an animal or a plant."

"A plant. This is a people of vegetarians. They worship all animals. Basically because they're pretty rare here, I guess."

She nodded. It hadn't escaped her notice that most of this planet looked like barren desert. "What happened to it?" she asked carefully. "I mean, the climate is neither hot nor dry enough for this planet to look like…this."

Ronon shrugged and shoved another spoonfull of his food into his mouth before mumbling, "They wanted to be the dominant race in this galaxy, so they decided to try to invent weapons powerful enough to defeat the Wraith. Didn't go so well."

"You mean their own weapons caused this?" she whispered.

"Yep," he affirmed. "At least that's what I heard. All I know is even the Wraith don't have weapons that can cause…this."

"Wow," Jennifer muttered. "Makes you wonder what would have happened if it hadn't gone wrong."

Once again, Ronon shrugged. "I don't know if they'd been that much different from the Wraith. I mean, the main reason the Wraith destroy whole civilizations is…because they can."

"Yeah, you definitely have a point there," Jennifer replied with a nod. There were always people seeking to overpower and exploit other people. If it hadn't been the Wraith it would certainly have been someone else.

They remained silent for the rest of the meal. But this time, it wasn't uncomfortable to either of them. A smile lit Jennifer's face. It pleased her immensely to find that they didn't always need words to be able to enjoy the time they spent with each other.

"You were right," she whispered, linking arms with him as they left. "This is a great restaurant. I don't know if it's the best in this galaxy, but it's definitely recommendable."

"Glad you liked it," Ronon replied with a smirk.

"Can I…speak openly?" she asked reluctantly.

Ronon frowned at her. "I thought we could always be open with each other."

"Of course, it's just…" She took a deep breath and then sighed. "I just wanted to tell you that…once again you proved me wrong. I really enjoyed this evening."

The furrows on his forehead deepened. "You thought you couldn't enjoy an evening with me?"

"No," Jennifer hurried to assure him. "That's not what I meant. I just…I wouldn't have thought that you… I…"

"Relax," he interrupted her stuttering. "I won't be angry."

She couldn't help but smile at that. "What I wanted to say was that I hadn't thought you were…the dating kind of guy. It wasn't that I didn't think I could enjoy spending time with you. I knew I could. But I never thought you would ask me out at all, you know."

He smirked at her. "It's been a while."

"Well, I have to admit, I didn't notice," she replied, giggling softly.

He turned toward her and leaned down slowly as if to kiss her, but stopped last minute.

"What's wrong?" she whispered. She could tell from the expression on his face that something had caught his attention – something he didn't feel good about.

"Not sure," he mumbled, listening carefully. "I thought I heard something."

The tone of his voice made Jennifer's heart beat faster. It seemed as if he was expecting an attack.

She heard a noise behind her and turned around just to freeze the next second. It was the man from the restaurant again, but this time, he wasn't alone.

Instinctively, Ronon grabbed Jennifer's arm and gently pushed her behind him. "What do you want?" he snarled.

"I already told you what I want," the man said, his grin wide. "But since you obviously weren't up for trading, I had to think of something else."

"You can't have her," Ronon insisted.

The man laughed. "Do you know what she would bring on the market? Hell, why am I even askin' you? Of course, you do. So you probably understand why I can't let such a chance pass."

"Leave her alone, this is not about her," Ronon said.

"Well, no, it's not." His grin disappeared, giving way to an expression of anger. "This is about what you still owe me."

"I don't owe you anything," Ronon replied, his hand sliding down to where he had stored his knife. "I overbid you. It was a fair deal."

"What was fair about that?" he insisted. "I only wanted back what belonged to me in the first place. And since you can't give her back to me, I'm gonna take what I can get."

The man launched forward and Jennifer instinctively stepped back. She watched Ronon's hand shoot forward, stabbing the man with the knife Jennifer hadn't even noticed he had.

"Run," Ronon ordered, his voice much too calm in Jennifer's opinion.

She didn't even know where to run. The Stargate was too far away to reach it and dial Atlantis without the men catching up with them. Fighting back was out of the question as well. They didn't have any weapons apart from the knife; or more likely knives that Ronon had with him, and it was them against six or seven men. Besides, Jennifer definitely wasn't trained for a fist fight.

"I've got an idea," Ronon panted rather than said, grabbing Jennifer's hand and pulling her with him into the woods.

She couldn't help but wonder how many times exactly Ronon had been here before. At least, he seemed to know where he was heading. She on the other hand, wouldn't even have been able to find her way back to the gate.

A shot rent the silence around them and Jennifer yelped.

"You okay?" Ronon asked in concern, not slowing down.

"Yeah," she panted. But to be honest, she was far from okay. She was running through woods she didn't even know while someone was shooting at her.

"This way," Ronon told her, pulling her to the left and towards a stone wall.

When they got closer, Jennifer realized that it was a rock of some sort, pretty steep and not exactly inviting. He didn't expect her to climb up there, did he? If he did, she was screwed.

Much to her surprise though, there was a small gap in the wall which Ronon seemed to know the location of. He pushed her inside before using his knife to loosen some of the rocks so that the gap closed behind them.

"Please tell me there's another way out of here," Jennifer panted.

"Don't know," he answered. "But at least we're safe in here."

_Yeah, until we run out of air_, she thought. Of course, she knew that Ronon was right. If they hadn't found a way to hide from the men, they would have been shot. However, Jennifer couldn't help but wonder if being shot wasn't the better alternative to death, than asphyxiation.

"I'm sorry," Ronon mumbled, sinking against the stony wall.

Sighing, Jennifer sat down as well. Thankfully, the gap hadn't closed completely, leaving them some light and maybe even enough oxygen to survive until someone came looking for them.

"This is not your fault," she replied quietly.

Ronon ran a hand over his head, adjusting his hair in the process. "Actually, it is," he told her. "That was what Lorel was talking about."

"The guy from the restaurant?"

Ronon nodded. "Like I said before, I came here to trade – a lot. While I was trying to hide from the Wraith, I needed new weapons all the time. And this was the easiest way for me to get them. They trade in almost anything for some meat."

Jennifer opened her mouth to tell him that he didn't owe her an explanation, but then reconsidered.

"One day I found out that some people don't only trade things," he muttered.

Jennifer's eyes widened. "Slaves?"

"Not exactly," Ronon replied. "And it's not approved. These traders are banned from the market as soon as someone finds out, but…they're smart and careful. I overheard a conversation between Lorel and someone who wanted to sell a woman to him."

Jennifer took in a deep breath. She had a feeling how the story ended. But since Ronon had obviously decided to open up to her, she wasn't going to interrupt him.

"I bid more so the trader would sell her to me," he went on. "I thought that was it, but Lorel vowed revenge. He was banned from this planet when we told the government what he had tried to buy. I had no idea he was going to be here."

"What did you offer to overbid him?" Jennifer asked quietly.

"Quite an amount of meat and three of my knives," he replied. "I just… I knew that if I'd gone to the government beforehand he would have been miles away before they started to go after him. I…had to do something right away."

"You're amazing, you know that?" Jennifer whispered.

He raised his eyes to frown at her. Wasn't she mad at him because this mess was all his fault?

"You didn't have anything yourself," she answered the unspoken question. "You needed the weapons to survive and hide from the Wraith. Yet you spent everything you had to help a woman you didn't even know."

"I've seen what slavers do to people," he said voicelessly. "Couldn't let that happen to her."

Smiling, Jennifer moved to straddle his lap, and then leaned in to kiss him passionately. "I really thought it wasn't possible, but I think I just fell more for you," she whispered, snuggling against him.

He gently kissed the top of her head, before mumbling, "This wasn't how I pictured our first date, you know?"

She chuckled slightly and then shrugged in his arms. "It could have gone a lot worse." There was a moment of silence before she asked, "Do you think they'll come looking for us?"

"I told John we'd be back before midnight," he replied. "I'm pretty sure he'll send someone if we aren't."

"Or he'll come looking for us himself," she added.

Ronon nodded and wrapped his arms tighter around her. "We should wait until one before we switch on our trackers," he suggested. "I don't want the wrong people to find us first."

"Okay," she agreed. "Until then though, I know something we can do."

Ronon's brows furrowed in confusion momentarily, before his lips curled into a smile as her hands cupped his face and she moved in for a gentle, lingering kiss.

He could get to like this kind of distraction.


End file.
